Frum Future Doctor

The Academic Sisyphus

2009-04-02T21:04:00.003-04:00

I have been going through some old emails/things I wrote in the past, and recently came across this little poem I wrote about 3 years ago. Sadly I still think it applies to the way I approach my studies. So to the very few of you who will actually read this, here's a little window into.... me.

The Academic Sisyphus:

You seem to be happy with all you are doing

But you make some mistakes that just keep accruing

You're running to the cliff without slowing down

The waters keep rising, you fear you may drown

You’ve dug it yourself, this ditch that you’ve made

All your hopes are a wreck as they begin to fade

Then the semester is over, you have to take it like a man

You made those mistakes, didn’t do all that you can

But time is anew and you will surely do better

Maybe this semester you'll get the first letter

This new chance makes you happy with all you are doing

But then you make those mistakes that just keep accruing

new emoticon

2007-07-11T20:07:00.001-04:00

I have no idea if anyone has hit on this yet but i just happened to mistype something and realized that you could make a "lip smacking good" emoticon by typing :-9 . I realize this is totally pointless but i guess i wanted to see if anyone reads this anymore anyway...

My Deutsche Frage

2007-04-17T10:56:00.000-04:00

Yom Hasho'ah has all but past, and the feelings associated with the day are waning slowly. Each year we allow the horrors of the past to expose the raw sores present in each of our hearts. We undergo a necessary process of self flagellation to keep keen in our minds that we will do all in our power to prevent the atrocities that befell our great nation over 60 years ago from ever occuring again. But in our quest for eternal remembrance I grapple with a simple question; can there or should there ever be any healing?

We have all encountered this question in one way or another, weather it be conscious or unconscious. For instance, I refuse to purchase a German car, and a "Made In Germany" sticker on a gift could just as easily read "Regift me ASAP". All Things German become like Chametz on Pesach, but at least chametz gets a chance to come back into our lives. I understand that which many of you are thinking right now. You are ready to close this window and begin leaving hate comments on this post, but I assure you I mean not to draw forth your anger or ill will, I simply need to bring forth an issue that struck me recently. My families were decimated along with yours and for that I ask for your patience and understanding.

I work in a research environment and was recently charged with overseeing the installation of a brand new, 1 Million dollar, Carl Zeiss , confocal microscope. Sure they could have purchased a Nikon or Olympus but this is not where my issue stems from. Throughout the preparations for the installation I dealt with people like John, Carol, George and Mike. But for that actual installation Zeiss shipped over a technician who I'll refer to simply as Heinrich.

The day I met Heinrich we were the first two people to arrive in the lab. My Yarmulke branded me "Jew" as clearly as his name labeled him. He towered over me by almost a foot and a half. He was Goliath but I was no David or even Joe Louis. Our initial conversation was quaint and beleaguered. His thick German accent brought to mind old black and white videos of the rise of National Socialism (and of course Dr. Ruth and that fish from American Dad). I would force myself to make eye contact only to see his eyes dart quickly away from mine. He was nearly as uncomfortable as I.

But why? Why should two professional men working in the intellective environment of academia feel so uncomfortable in each others presence. I have no knowledge of his personal background, and he, none of mine. For all I know he is a wonderful person, a philanthropist, an organ donor, an exemplary gentleman amongst men, but for some reason upon our initial meet and greet he has become to me like UV light to an albino, or more accurately Michael Jackson to a Cacophobic. My xenophobia sickens me and I can't even be sure why. Has my familial history formed within me a ball of hatred that can never be undone? and if so is this hatred an educational fault or a Jewish religionational necessity?

These questions race in my head and I am reminded of something I read a short while back in the introduction to Michael Wex's Born To Kvetch. He states that the Jewish propensity towards complaint is of utmost importance to the Jewish people as a nation. As long as we Kvetch we are in essence continually reminding ourselves that our ultimate dreams of a Jewish Utopia in Eretz Yisra'el has yet to be realized. We are reminded that we remain in galus and only our continued performance of Hashem's will, will lead us towards the zman hage'ulah. Maybe a similar system is at play here as well. Maybe I have been trained to see Heinrich in some negative light simply in order to create a psychological distance from him. Maybe I have been trained not to hate but simply to be wary of those who may wish cause me harm.

And so for a little better understanding I contemplate the issues at hand from a Judaic standpoint. Where do we see examples of horrific acts in the Torah (sadly there is no shortage). We find evil at the hands of the Egyptians, and so the passuk tells us (Devarim 17:16) "you should not return on this way again" to Egypt. Why? Well the chinuch tells us it's because of their evil nature. The Torah being the eternal document doesn't seem to delineate any good Egyptians from bad ones. In fact the Rambam states clearly that Egptians are one of the four nations from which the Jewish people may never accept any converts.

While on the topic of the Rambam, Amalek comes to mind. There is a famous inference in the Rambam regarding the modern day understanding of amalek. While mentioning the seven nations the Rambam states that they are no longer in existance today, but yet he discusses the obligation of the obliteration of amalek as if somehow they do remain, How? The famous answer given in the name of the Rav was that any nation that binds together of single mind to destroy the Jews is a member of Amalek. So where does that leave Heinrich?

If you are looking for a snazzy wrap-up I haven't one. I leave this post now as the issues presented are left in my mind, disoriented, disjunct and agitated.

OY

2006-12-05T10:59:00.000-05:00

IS IT SUNDAY YET???? THIS WEEK IS GOING BY SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SLOW!!!!!!!

WOW!!!

2006-12-03T23:43:00.000-05:00

Oh boy, this is going to be such a crazy week!! It has not been 24 hours yet and it's going by so slow since the last time FFD and I saw/spoke to eachother before our wedding. It is not going to be a good week for me.

Everything is pretty much set for the wedding and our apartment. FFD will need more entertainment from you guys THIS week, NOT next week. It's no use for me to be entertained this week.

Shabbos was great! It was so nice to see all of you! I can't wait to hopefully come to your afrufs (ok, not yours Ez).

Ok, it's late now, but possibly tomorrow I will write more since I'll have nothing else to do. Uh Oh...I'm turning into a blogger!!! STOP ME!!!

The Week..

2006-11-28T17:08:00.000-05:00

No Moshe I'm not reffering to the greatest newsmagazine of all time! I just wanted to let you all know that for the week before my upcomng marraige to FFW I expect you all to keep me company right here on frumdoc. Thanks I promise i will get back to both dating stories eventually (maybe it'll give me something to do the week of sheva brachot ;-).

Mickey and Ricki...

2006-11-27T20:33:00.000-05:00

Well the title of this post doesn't really say much to all of you but it will lead to something....I hope. Anyway 2 weeks ago FFW and I were together for shabbos (no need for jocular gasps and "say it aint so's") and as usually occurs after a shabbos together, we spent way too long deciding what we should do. (it usually ends up with us doing nothing but still). One of FFW's friends had told us that she may be going to Dave and Busters and we wanted to tag along ...sounded great, especially since I knew that I had brought the same outfit (almost) that I had worn on our first date at Jillians (Jillians became D&B). Anyway her friend finked out but I insisted that we go anyway. FFW told me to wait while she changed and when I saw her next wouldn't you know it she was wearing the same thing that she wore on our first date too (cue sentimental awwwwws).

So out we went to reenact our very first date, and let me tell you there is definitely some truth to the whole change the name change the mazel thing (Jillians --> D&B), b/c this date went 197.642% better than our first date (should I not be saying that?). Maybe it was the fact that nothing felt forced, maybe it was the fact that I didn't have to impress her anymore, maybe I was just now an experienced dater? But whatever it was we had a great time. We got to look at other couples and laugh at them (we were really laughing at ourselves but wtvr). We got to play some games (FFW cant drive and I cant dance [yes CY I did DDR just for you [and to reenact the fact that I did it on date one also]]). But best of all we were doing something and we were having fun. Basically we thought we had reached a point where we didn't need to do anything anymore. We honestly enjoyed just shmoozing on a couch hugging a pillow (Ezzie's got the greatest pillows....not the kind that go in a bro or mansiere :-), but it felt really great to go out and not have to talk about this or that, but to create something inconsequential and meaningless to talk about. Our minds were free to roam around the overstimulation that is Jillians. It was just what we needed, and when I walked my reenacted date to the door and she told me she had a wonderful time it felt good. I knew she meant it both as a first date emulation joke, but i could tell also that she really meant it as my FFW.

Anywho... why do you let me go on such ramblings... oh wait this entire blog is just my stupid ramblings which for some reason you people like to read :-P. I haven't gotten to my explaination about mickey and ricky but ill get there...just give me a day or two.

Geek Speak

2006-11-24T11:38:00.000-05:00

To introduce my post about the work I currently do I want to let you all know a great thing that happened last night. Normally when someone asks me what I'm currently doing my response is a simple "research". Most people have no interest in precisely what I am researching or the techniques/intricacies of my everyday worklife. But last night was different; I went to the SerandEz thanksgiving bash and pretty much had nobody to talk to (especially since FFW and I came near the end and many people were already leaving). So as I sometimes do at these venues, I say my hellos, grab a bite and slink into a corner to ponder the mysteries of DaKirsch, while FFW chills with her gal pals. While in my moments of contemplation I was approached by Mrs. L. who promptly asked about myself and what's doing and somehow handed me off to Dr. L. (it had something to do with a psych patient, star trek, and a steno pad). What was so nice about speaking with Dr. L. was that no matter how in depth I went in speaking of my research, he was following right behind me. I could talk about tetanus toxin binding domains, and neuronal specificity and he would be hanging on my words like a Hungarian trapeeze artist (for you DK). Anyway It was just nice to be able to speak with someone who cares about what I do.

see old comments

soooooooooorry!

2006-11-22T12:01:00.000-05:00

Hello all... Especially Moshe! I realize I have been away for a while but things have been super duper crazy. FFW and I have been busy putting our apartment together and things are really coming along. We can't wait to have each and every one of our readers over for a meal at some time (especially the couples [we just bought a game called "battle of the sexes" and I can't wait to show them whose boss ;-) ]) <-- that is not a double chin emoticon just the closing bracket and parenthesis. I have been building much of our bedroom furniture (which looks pretty nice even though it is pretty chrefty]) and am sore, black & blue, and totally wiped. At the behest of my wife (which is interesting because im the one you think would want it) we recently bought a used TV from craigslist. It was a great bargain and "the boys" are always welcome to chill at my place for the 1pm or 4pm games on sunday. The apartment looks great eventhough it has its drawbacks. Although there are many drawers and cabinets, most of them are too shallow to actually place many of the things we have. Med School applications are. . . . well let's just say I hope my procrastination pays off.

I recently interviewed at AECOM and to put it frankly I was grilled like a hamburger on memorial day. From everything I had read, Einstein interviews seemed chilled out, laid back, and basically the interviewers were just trying to ensure that you were a well intentioned and personable individual. Such was not the case with me. The interview lasted 21min. but it felt like days; I was shvitzing worse than a fat man in the negev in a khamsin, yet I remained cool and batted his questions with respectful honesty (let's hope it impressed him). I'm pretty good with feeling a person out but I was getting less feedback than phosphofructokinase in the presence of abundant ATP (that's for you Moshe).... but wtvr its over and i needn't bore you with every little detail of my anotomical responses to his curt brusqueness. wtvr basically it went ... just ok not good (i certainly didn't feel good about it).

still to come "what the heck is Doc working on these days anyway"

coming soon - AECOM: impressions and retrospection.

2006-09-08T16:17:00.000-04:00

Well I have interviewed at AECOM and have what to say. This may become a 3 part post, BUT!!! I'm not writing any of it now. It is true that blogs can ruin what you have going in a business environment. People have lost their jobs over that which they have written on their blogs. SO for now i will be creating posts and saving them as drafts. they will be published once I hear back from them. I hope you all can hold out that long. I promise though that I will continue the dating story before then so stay with me folks we are about to go on a very intersting ride.

Thank You

2006-09-04T21:13:00.000-04:00

On behalf of FFD and myself,we would like to thank all those who helped shlep our furniture today. We really appreciated all of your help. It was a HUGE mitzvah!! I would like to wish a special thank you to Moshe for the use of his van. Without the van, we wouldn't have been able to get the bedroom set. I don't know if FFD offered pizza or something, but everyone is invited to our apartment for a meal or just whenever.

The countdown....

2006-09-03T01:19:00.000-04:00

WE FINALLY MADE IT TO DOUBLE DIGITS!!!!

My Birthday

2006-08-31T15:56:00.000-04:00

Just wanted to thank you all for coming to my birthday party. You really made it SO special for me!! I would also like to thank my amazing chosson(FFD) for everything he did to make my birthday special. How many chossons go out of their way and have a catered event for their kallahs 23rd birthday! Not even that, he hired a band, 2 awesome guys to sing(well 3...but whatever!), had lots of shtick...couldn't be any better!!!

For us, the next wedding is OURS!!!!

Borat, laughing with me?......

2006-08-21T16:54:00.000-04:00

<-- Potty Humor

As my earlier post indicated I was a great fan of Borat, and his comedic role in exposing anti-Semitism. But after watching the Borat movie last Thursday I wonder whether this movie will expose a hidden level of anti-Semitism, or grant reprieve to any and all who wish to practice anti-Semitic practices as a form of comedy. What i really liked about borat was the fact that the people around him felt free to express their Jew hatred around him because they believed him to be a Jew hater himself. However, some of the scenes in the film portrayed Borat mocking Jews or Jewish ideology without any other person present. This is an entirely different level. When I listened to the audiences outbursts at these jokes I realized how offended I really was. He took a giant step from allowing other people to make a fool of themselves by mocking Jews to personally mocking them to try to get a laugh.

Now you will tell me that Sacha Cohen is a Jew, and you may even tell me that this is what Jewish comedians do, and you wouldn’t be wrong, but this movie sees the line passes it and then drops a kerchief full of excrement on it (literally). This is no longer the level of making fun of a stereotypical Jewish mother or cheap Jew joke, this isn't Larry David scalping a ticket for shul on Yom Kippur (hilarious!), this is pure and unnecessary mocking of everything Jewish. What’s stranger is that had I not been in the theater surrounded by a virtual cornucopia of different peoples and creeds, I may never have realized how offensive the film was. I would have sat comfortably at home and laughed the way everyone in the audience did.

I did find it slightly amusing that Cohen’s attempt at speaking the Kazakhstani language was for the most part him speaking Hebrew with an Arabic accent. Maybe this was his way of telling all the offended Jews in the audience “hey I’m really one of you”, but I remain unamused.

A look at the film independent of its slightly hurtful parts reveals not much more than a bunch of Borat skits pieced together with a plot so thin it’s nearly anorexic. In fact, to those familiar with many of the Borat skits many of the scenes are simply remakes of skits he has already performed on television.

I will admit there were times when I did find myself laughing out loud…. But in truth they were at jokes that would entertain a high skoool kid who still thinks the word poop is side busting. All in all I’ll give the movie a 6/10 which makes it just worth it if you are already a Borat fan, and not if you still don’t know what im talking about.

Jen Kwee….Yed-gibesh !

OK Boys and Girls....

2006-08-21T14:00:00.000-04:00

B"H and with his help you have all heard the good news. I AM EMPLOYED! I have recently accepted a position at The Albert Einstein College of Medicine, in one of their neuroscience laboratories (neuroscience and neurotechnology are two fields in which AECOM is at the forefront). I could not have asked for a better position. I look back to some of what I had been looking at, and how desperate I had actually become, and smile to see how great things have actually worked out. I am slightly worried as to my lack of experience with some of the techniques utilized in this lab, but I will try my absolute best to ensure that my work brings only impressed faces to all of those around me, so that hopefully they have only welcome accolades and lauding jubilation for having hired me.

In addition, I am also applying to the medical school at AECOM for the 2007 incoming class. This too is very exciting to me. I will not post too much about this just now and will return to it at some later point in time. I will, however, say why my medical school application is focused on Einstein. Besides being a great institution for the advancements of the life sciences, the Medical School at AECOM has stated within the University policy that no classes, seminars, lectures, etc., be scheduled on Jewish holidays. This is a tremendous advantage to Einstein which is not available in any other medical school nationwide (that I know of). Of course AECOM does not advertise this fact, which I guess is understandable being that they wish not to stigmatize themselves by being considered a "Jewish" Medical school. umm... thats what they were intended to be! you wont find it online and AECOM will never openly admit to it but the college was created as an institution in which Jewish medical students could avoid the quotas placed on them by all the other medical schools. But thankfully times have changed and the anti-jewish quotas have been replaced with medical schools packed with guys who I can only assume are making their Jewish Moms proud. Which brings me back to the Borat movie.......

WOOHOO!!!!!!!!

2006-08-18T18:05:00.000-04:00

FFD will now be back in the blogosphere because...HE GOT A JOB!!! This is AMAZING news!!! IY'H starting September 11th, FFD will be working at Einstein. I'm sure he will update with more details, but I just wanted to beat him to it and share the news!!

Well we are close so.......

2006-08-14T22:18:00.000-04:00

I know I said no blogging until I have a job for the coming year at least, but lately things, B"H, have been looking up, and I wanted to get one thing off my chest. I am about to say something that may cause many to lose respect for me but I feel strongly about it. On Thursday I am going to see the Borat movie with a friend.
Now for those of you who do not know, Borat is the Khazakstani character portrayed by Sacha Baron Cohen on the Ali G show. Many of you might be familiar with the show and its stoner like antics and skits, but to me when I watch it, I see the deeper goal of Cohen (or at least I hope so). He poses as the citizen of an Arab nation not to spew any personal vitriolic Jewbuse, but to allow those who believe him to be an authentic Arab (and a Jew-hater [why would they assume that??]) to vent and display in front of the camera their own internal anti-Jewish sentiments.
With the popular world recoiling in disgust from the antics of Mel Gibson, Cohen reminds us in another similar way the hidden hatred that many in our fine nation have towards the Jews. In Judaism we have a saying "when alcohol goes in, inner secrets come out", it's essentially the equivalent to Seinfeld's "key" to the vault. Anyone who says that Mel was simply inebriated is a moron! The man has a deep seated hatred towards the Jews, and simply having hide behind the thin veil of sobriety will never suffice.
What Cohen does is remove the restrictions on the "id" of the psyche in much of the same way that alcohol does. Yes, many disapprove of his methods and consider him to have tricked those around him, but nobody is forcing anyone in these clips to say anything anti-Semitic. So I applaud Borat my friend from Khazakistan and hope that others too can see past the infantile and purely asinine antics of the show to see that yes there is a message.

If you have no idea what im talking about see the following links.
Jew Hunting

Throw the Jew Down the Well

you will need to watch and wait as he pulls it out of them all

I'm an uncle

2006-08-01T14:51:00.000-04:00

I know I said no more blogging until I have a job but so what...Shoot me. I just became an uncle for the first time and am in a mild state of euphoric elation (is that redundant?) but I don't have any pics of my newborn nephew so instead I will post the only picture you will ever see of me and FFW!

Engagement Party/Vort

2006-07-07T18:41:00.000-04:00

We would like to thank everyone who came to our Engagement Party last Sunday! It was very nice and hot! We would also like to thank the Goldish family for staying until 12:45 AM and enlightening us with their wonderful company. We got many nice presents...some of which I returned and got store credit for! FFD disagrees with that idea, but as some of you may know, it's part of the girl's responsibility to deal with this stuff. Guys don't care about such things! Anyway, we missed those of you who weren't there but can't wait to see you guys soon!!!!!!

Although it is a little belated...we would like to truly express our most sincere Hakaras Hatov to our shadchanim...R and A Z! This wouldn't have happened without them! Yes, everyone thinks they are our shadchanim whether they thought about it and didn't do anything about it so we would like to say thank you to EVERYONE for thinking about us!!!!! I know R from high school and seminary and A and FFD grew up together and have been friends ever since. [insert sentimental closing sentence here]

The Second Date

2006-06-21T16:54:00.000-04:00

Being that FFD was the 17th guy I've "shidduch dated", I felt that the date wasn't horrible like I've had in the past. I mean...I managed to carry-on a conversation for 6 hours!! How bad could that be!!

I wanted to go on a second date, but I had no idea what he was thinking. Was he going to call me on his own? Was he going to take the easy way out and IM me? Were we going back to the shadchanim(which are every single one of our friends...JK!)? I had no idea what to do. FFD says that I IMed him after the first date. I really don't remember that, but it's possible that happened. Whatever it was, we did not go back to the shadchanim and took everything into our own hands.

(Because I don't have as much details as FFD, I will go on and continue with date #2 and so on and he'll fill you in on his side)...

Our 2nd date was on a Motzei Shabbos. (Note: First date was Wednesday Feb. 22, 2006). The plan was to go to My Most Favorite Dessert in the city. After driving around and around, with me keeping my mouth shut because he "knew" where he was going...there was no parking spot to be found. We ended up going to J2. I was OK with that. [Some other guy took me for pizza on a 2nd date and I didn't think it was the right thing to do, but the situation was very different.] We sat and shmoozed for awhile until we got kicked out because the store was closing. That was about 1:30 AM or so. FFD recently reminded me that the "real" serious conversation took place on the 2nd date. I thought the date went well. I really didn't have any complaints(other people may remind me of how I felt, but as far as I remember B'H all was good). This date lasted about 5 1/2 to 6 hours long.[FFD didn't realize this was a good thing]!

I don't remember what happened between the 2nd and 3rd dates(besides shmoozing online) but I will give FFD time to catch up with his side until this point.

My Side of the Story

2006-06-21T11:12:00.000-04:00

Hello Everyone!

FFD was so kind enough to allow me to post on his blog!! Isn't he the best!!! Well ladies and gentelmen...this blog is now OURS!! If I get addicted to this, someone please stop me!!

Let the fun begin....

When I was first told about FFD, I had my usual simple questions(where he went to school, what's he like, etc). All great answers especially since I knew we had a bunch of friends in common so I thought it would be so nice if it worked out!! Anyway, once I heard I was the first girl he went out with, I then got a little nervous. In the past, I haven't had much luck with me being the guys' first. So I was contiplating back and forth ab out what to do. I finally said to myself, everything sounds great, why not just give it a shot.

So at the first phonecall, I was trying to be nice and understanding because the guy at the other end of the phone was nervous as anything(he told me on the spot which I thought was quite humerous and blunt). But, I dealt with it calmly and just tried to ween him into the dating world slowly. I was able to tell that FFD had(and still has) a sense of humor and I was able to carry on great conversations with him whether it be over the phone or IM.

THE DATE:

Unlike FFD, I was not as nervous. Even after going out with a bunch of guys and have had my share of experiences in the dating world, I was still a drop nervous. I guess FFD is right (which doesn't happen SO often) that girls usually get very nervous because they don't know what the guy is going to look like. Well, at least that's what it is for me and usually after seeing the guy, I'm totally myself and carry on with the date.

Unfortunatly, I do not remember the specific details of each of our dates, but I will jump ahead (of FFD in his post) and say that going to Jillians is not the best place for a first date. I thought it would be fun, it's the place to go and I've been there many times(which I didn't realize that I'd be a drop bored after a few minutes). Afterall, I beat FFD in b-ball so where was the fun after that?! I was MVP on my high school b-ball team(ok so for those who know me, I'm SO not a b-ball player). I made that comment on our first date as a joke and FFD was silly enough to believe me(which he had no real reason not to!)

After Jillians, we went to eat at King David in Cedarhurst. I thought it went well. But on a first date, you don't get SO excited because you don't want to get your hopes up. After dinner, we sat and shmoozed in the car in the parking lot across the street. He then dropped me off at home and I just waited to see what was going to happen.

All in all the date was 6 hours long(my longest date ever)!!!

More to come....

Hello And Welcome

2006-06-21T01:03:00.000-04:00

Jillian's

2006-06-20T02:54:00.000-04:00

We are on our way and the car ride has begun. There is some idle chatter which I guess is to be expected on a first date. We reach our first traffic light and before I get there it turns yellow. My mind, ever the exuberant marathon runner, is telling me a thousand things at once. But right now it’s wondering do we gun it or stop cautiously. Being a native New Yorker I know this light will turn red in oh only about 1.4 seconds. I am on a first date why not take the cautious route I think to myself. We approach the light and I decide to stop. The car comes to a complete halt and I look up…the light is still yellow. I begin to wonder if she noticed she had to have. I think the light stayed yellow just long enough to feel like a complete doof, which for your information is 4.6 seconds.

The light turns green and we are on our way. I have no idea where I’m going and this is a position I hate to be in. Not only do I have to deal with keeping up a conversation while driving on my very first date, I don’t know where I’m heading. I visualize making a wrong turn and ending up in the “seedy” part of town. I look like the perfect little preppy kid. If I were a carjacker lookin for a joy ride I’de carjack me. She tells me we have to go straight for a long while as she continues her story about how impressed she was with her class that day. (FFW is an assistant 1^st grade teacher). I’m not really listening I just know I’m supposed to go straight.

Then Error number two rears its ugly head (or this could just be her giving me some lip….you decide). We are going for quite some time when I ask, in a very unassuming manner, “so how much longer until we get there” to which FFW responds “am I boring you that much that you want to get rid of me already”…ouch. I’ve just been filleted, grilled, chewed and spit out. In fact that piece of meat would be better than me because at least it’s over with I still have to finish this date.

The rest of the car ride goes as best as could be expected. Except for almost missing one bearing left which I wasn’t told about (so much for just going straight), and we arrive in the parking lot at Jillians. I am driving my Dad’s 2001 nissan sentra with power lights (they are powered by the battery) and automatic accelorator (the car goes automatically if you hit the gas) everything else needs to either be cranked, pulled or clicked. She doesn’t lock the door, so I reach over and click it shut. (I will be doing this for the next 14 weeks).

Jillian’s is not such a large place with arcades all over the place. It’s like a casino for non-gamblers but ur givin your money away all the same. We walk in and head to the assistance/greeting counter. There are more bells and lights going off than at a Saturdy Night Fever dance off. I tell her I have no idea what im doing and she tells me that you have to buy a card to play all of the games. I say OK and tell the good man to put 20 bucks on the card. She asks me if I’m sure and suggests maybe putting on 15 dollars. I look back at the sign and realize we get more credits per buck with the 20 and stick with the 20.

I hand her the card and ask her what she would like to do as she walks straight to the air hockey table. I admit it seems like fun and we slide the card to get the puck.. We place our coats on the bar stool they have there and get ready. The air turns on and we begin our fun in a world without friction. Why is it called air hockey anyway? The premise is the same as soccer or football maybe it should be air soccer or air football (ovaltine). And even if you tell me because it uses a flat puck still, if a miniature game of soccer can get named foosball a miniature game of hockey can get its own name too (hooky?)…anyway I digress. I place the puck down and smack it, it come right back to me. I hit if off the side and score a goal. Not bad I think but don’t get to cocky it may just be beginners luck. I score two more points and am starting to think I should hold back a little. So I simply tap it now hoping she’ll score a goal. NO LUCK she just scores me two more. This is going to be harder (easier) than I thought. She leans forward and places her arm over her goal as if to block my next shot…was that a joke; an attempt at humor I BELIEVE IT WAS. She scores me another goal and I promise im still trying..Im soo not. Im beginning to think maybe shes living like three seconds in the past because her shots at the puck seems to be exactly where it was the moment before. Or maybe she sees another puck? Who know but I win and she gives me a congradulations.

“What next” I say hoping that there is something here that she would be relatively good at. A driving game catches my eye as we walk past it. “Why not this”. We swipe the card and start our engines. I let her win…What next...we play something else…what next…etc. you get the idea. This is not fun at all. I don’t know her I don’t have a chance to talk to her and I’m beginning to see that she thinks I’m more boring than Ben Stein in those stupid clear eyes commercials (or the wonder years take ur pick). I try to ask a question but she laughs in my face (see earlier this isn’t the first time). I explain that im seriously interested in what im asking and im not just asking it because it’s one of those questions everyone asks on a first date (I may have been though not sure).

We walk over to ski ball and win some tickets. We walk over to the hit the button when the bulb lights up and get some more. We walk over to the basketball hoops and let her beat me…this feels like a weird twilight zone episode. You are in an amazingly fun place but we are cursed to be dull and subdued. She tells me she was on her high school basketball team and that’s why she won. Finally something interesting! Oh really I say as I perk up ready to show her whose boss. “why don’t we go once more”. We do and I whoop her worse than the globetrotters do a high school basketball team. That WAS fun. (to be cont.)

A real Shock

2006-06-20T01:53:00.000-04:00

It is 2:50 am and I can't sleep because in little more than 4 hours my good friend Chayim Yehudah will be undergoing open heart surgery. It is nerve wracking even though I know there is a 96% chance he will leave the hospital healthy having had a Doctor open his chest cut out his aortic valve and replace it with a mechanical one. I know this has nothing to do with what I am about to blog about but I hope you understand that it is simply what is on my mind.

Application rant

2006-06-15T03:03:00.000-04:00

I apologize profusely for the lack of any form of significant post in the past few weeks but finals have come and gone and now I have but one 5 page paper (out of 11 at the start of the semester YES 11) standing in the way of my eventual graduation. I feel more prolific than Isaac Asimov (who wrote or edited more than 500 works in his lifetime). Anyway since this blog was created not as a dating History of myself and the FFW, but as a cathartic expunging of all that the medical school life entails I will blog for a bit about that and return very soon and finally blog tell you all how I came to appreciate and love FFW.

Well as you all know I took my MCATs in August of 05’ and B”H I did relatively well. But as anyone who has gone through it can tell you the MCATs are only the number you wear on your chest in the marathon that is the Medical School application. I took the august MCAT with full intention of NOT applying for the entering class of 05’. I wanted to stay ahead of the game and decided to hold off for a year which provided me with a number of opportunities.

1) I could take a year off and find a research opportunity that would further boost my application to medical school by demonstrating a commitment to all thing medical and science related.

2) I would be first out of the starting gates for my medical school application.

And so I went my merry way assuming that all would fall into place, and for the most part it really did. I had a research opportunity lined up in a prestigious lab in Einstein. This position, however, was non-paid.

Then it happened! My life changed the single instant I decided to go out with FFW. Non-paid no longer cut the mustard, actually it couldn’t even supply the mustard to cut, but B”H I am in no way complaining. I mean I found the (only) individual I wish to spend the rest of my life with so I guess I didn’t do so bad (I know PUKE to all you married couples :-P).

Anyway desperate times now called for desperate measures and I began to dust off the old resumé. Updating, restructuring, and reformatting, I did the best I could to make my resumé appealing to the widest range of possible employers. And so I began applying here, there and everywhere but nothing came. Nothing at all! So I posted the resume on monster then on NYT job market, then carrerbuilder then I went to individual university web pages and posted it there.

p.s. Im still looking for a job

Im so dead

2006-06-14T17:39:00.000-04:00

I was just thinking i could get you all to sound off maybe on what you think is nice

PLEASE COMMENT ON WHICH YOU LIKE BETTER!

The flower has The Gimmel, Bet and Yud but no Mem

Happy Birthday

2006-05-25T00:00:00.000-04:00

First Sight

2006-05-24T00:55:00.000-04:00

So I am on my way to FFW's house and drive exactly as I (Dad) had done three days earlier on Sunday. I had heard soo much garbage about first date etiquette and rules that it was coming out of my ears. It just so happens that most of this chfret came from same person but there was one thing that he said that seemed to make a little sense to me. He told me to give a call when I was about two minutes out and so I did. I came to what I knew to be the very last traffic light before I would reach her house and I whipped out the cell like I was getting a call from the President. I looked at my watch and saw that it was only 5:15 and dialed the number.

(note: Ah you are all going to ask but how could I call her if I didn't have a cell phone? Well if you did ask give yourself a hearty pat on the back. I had my mom's cell. At this point my mom still had a really old Nokia with the original snake on it. It was so old it had the VoiceStream logo on it)

She picks up and being that I was early (wasn't supposed to show up until 5:30) I let her know where I am and ask if she needs some more time. I could tell by the way she answers me that she is thinking a of couple things.

1) What the heck is this guy doing calling right before he shows up
2) Why even ask if she is ready what does this guy think he's gonna do sit out in the car for the next 13 minutes?(i think i offered to)

She tells me that she's fine and ready and then it hits me. I just painted a target on my car. If she wasn't looking out the window before she will be now, and every single thing I do from this point until I knock on that door is on display like Manet at the Louvre. I make the last turn and I'm Rolling down the block at a careful speed well aware that I'm being watched like the season finale of 24. I see the house (it's now on my right) but there is no parking in front so I keep rolling down the block hopefully making her think that the black Nissan sentra that she just saw pass isn't me. I reach the corner and pop a u-turn and find parking across the street from her house. There were wind gusts as high as 27 mph the previous day (I checked up the historical weather data...yes McOrn I have no life) and there were some branches down by where I parked the car. I had just made the first mistake of the night! parking on the opposite side of the street put the passenger side door on the far side from the house by a bunch of moist grass and a wad of downed branches.

Knowing that I was being watched I slowly turned off the engine and just sat for a second. I'm not sure if I sat there for my sanity, since I was in fact trembling like a nine year old watching chucky, or to give off a certain impression since I knew I was being scrutinized. My mind began racing faster and faster.

What if she doesn't answer the door?
What if she invites me in?
How could I not have scripted out something for all possible situations?

I take a deep breath and get out of the car. Im so sure she sees me that I feel like waving vaguely to the windows of the house but refrain because...well because I was never really gonna do it anyway. I walk up to the house and ring the bell. "who is it" says the voice ive heard before; "It's me...FFD". Next thing I know she bolts out of the house like it was on fire and I'm chasing her to my car. I didn't even get a good look at her. I knew it she heads right to my car and I didn't even have to show her which one; she must have been watching from the window. I walk over to the passenger side and open her door unlock it and apologize about parking by all the branches. "sure" she says as she laughed sarcastically and gets into the car. I roll around to the other side and place the key in the door and have some difficulty in getting it open. I wasn't using my dad's original set of keys and this copy wasn't as smooth in opening the door. It feels like a minute but it was probably only like ten seconds, but at that moment I was reminded of why my dad liked my mom on their first date.

My dad arrived to pick up my mom and it had been raining that day. By accident where he parked the were some puddles and she happened to step into one on her way into the car. She didn't care at all. She wasn't upset and just took it in stride... Score one for mom. Then as he was going around to the other side of the car she reached over to open his door. He was taken aback! It's the little things that get him going and the devil is in the details.

I had no such luck. This story is running through my head and she's just sitting there staring at the windshield like there was a movie being projected onto it. Finally get it open and climb in. I feel like I'm taking my road test and I'm even more nervous than I was then. I know I shouldn't say this but as I started the car I couldn't help but smell whatever perfume she was wearing. It had a vanilla smell without being to sweet. I make sure she's got on her seatbelt (I'de heard that some frum girls don't because of the way it wraps around) start the car, turn on the signal, look over my left shoulder , and we are on our way...

Just Realized

2006-05-23T12:05:00.000-04:00

At 5:15pm tonight I will have known FFW for exactly 90 days and I will have exaclty 200 days left until the big day! Just thought it was interesting.....sheesh no need to roll your eyes at me.

In 55 more days the wait will equal the known at 145 days.

The countdown has been edited so that one needn't refresh the page to watch it run.

What I'm looking for

2006-05-22T23:54:00.000-04:00

See below for the continuing dating saga

Props to McOrn for finding a post on a blog that totally encapsulates where i want to be in a few years. It makes you realize that all of the little things are just that and the big things are what last more than a day or so. I Love you all and hope all is well with each and every one of you. Have an awesome day whenever you read this

From the blog of an anesthesia resident
Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Priorities

The good thing about having a husband and a kid (aside from the tax implications) are that it's like having a big neon sign in your life that flashes and indicates THIS IS WHAT'S IMPORTANT, THIS IS WHAT MATTERS. I just got home close to 10pm from being on "short" call, after a long day at the hospital which was, like any other day, fraught with its own set of frustrations and annoyances. And my whole way home, I was just thinking, man, if only I'd said this, if only I'd done this, if only this had played out differently and it was making me absolutely crazy because last I checked, I didn't have a time machine. (Nor the one point twenty one gigawatts to power it.)

And then I came home and walked into the bedroom, where Cal and Joe were sleeping. They were both lying on their backs, snoring lightly in tandem, and Cal had his little hand resting on Joe's chest, as though to make sure that Joe wasn't going to go anywhere. And then all of a sudden all of the annoying stuff didn't matter so much anymore.

This is what's important. This is what matters.

No turning back...

2006-05-22T18:40:00.000-04:00

While on the phone we had arranged that I would pick her up at around 5:30 and she had made all of the jokes that would be expected of a guy who rides his bike to school.

FFW:"so ur gonna have a little extra peddling to do huh"
Yeah So not funny.

Anyway she did offer to drive, but being the chauvenist gentleman that I am, I decided that only men should drive on the first date.

I was free on Wed. from 3 o'clock and went home at about 3:15, yes I did peddle a little faster than normal. I needed a haircut and so I did as I do and got some newspaper put it in the sink and took out the Oster hair clippers. I had my dad finish around the edges so I shouldn't look entirely unkempt. I was gonna try my hardest not to have her reject me based on my looks everything on this date was gonna have to at least feel right.

Hair -- CHECK

Well next I took a shower. This served a dual function, one: I wasn't about to smell bad on a first date, two: My heart was pounding harder than some LA cops on Rodney King, I needed something to help me relax.

**WARNING** the next three lines discuss my personal hygene be aware

Ok so here's the thing, I have very sensitive skin under my arms. I mean I have used even the "sensitive" anti-perspirants and still find that they cause me to itch worse than a porcupine with eczema. Iv'e done it all. Scentless, plain deoderant, stick, spray, gel, for sensitive skin, many different active ingrediants, and all make me itch. But there is some respite to that agony that is my armpit...Cologne. Believe it or not shpritzing some cologne on my sensitive pits actually doesn't bother me! Doesn't matter how abrasive the isopropyl alcohol it just doesn't bother me.

So after the shower I shpritzed myself with a little Sander cologne for men. (thanks to JT for finding an amazing deal on this stuff a couple months before). I will admit I did douse myself a little bit more than usual but hey

Smell -- CHECK

The previous night JT came home with a new shirt that he thought would look good on me. It had a litte pink in it but it wasn't like some flashy H&M shirt that I couldn't pull off ;-) it worked perfectly although it wouldn't be seen to much under the sweater I wore. Every year i like to get a new sweater or fleece. It started a long time ago with a green burbor fleece. then a black fleece then a grey fleece then a grey Express sweater and finally I (by I, I mean JT of course) had just gotten a new Black Express sweater...it was gonna work well. Pants were simply a pair of charcoal pleated dockers that completed the ensamble (yes FFD wasn't dressed like a total schlub) . I went downstairs and Mom and Dad were sitting in the kitchen they gave me the once over and I remember Dad saying i smelled nice (ok so i shpritzed it till the air around me was saturated with enough cologne to kill a canary). there was only one thing left a coat. My weekday coat would not do. It's a green coat with a down lining that look like it came from surplus from the army of some third world country. So what does one do when he needs something nice in the household of the FFD...He checks the closet to see what JT has got. Truth is JT had 2 amazing new shabbos coat but I wasn't about to take one of those, so i took another one. A simple black, wool coat with those large black anchor buttons on it. It was a little big on me but I took it anyway.

Clothes -- CHECK

I went upstairs one more time and I think I may have seen FFW online but don't think i said anything to her. put up an away message and was ready to roll. As im out the door I hear my dad yell out what is his and probably will be my life's perpetual mantra

"BE A MENSCH!"

Note to all men

2006-05-22T00:01:00.000-04:00

DO NOT GO TO STORES TO START A BRIDAL REGISTERY WITH YOUR FUTURE WIVES!!! (more on this to come im sure)

The Second Second Call

2006-05-19T10:27:00.000-04:00

Hello All! And welcome back. I apologize again for the span of time in which I did not post but as you could all well imagine things aren't as calm as they may seem. B"H all is well with me and mine and a hearty Mazel Tov to my chavrusah YY on his engagement (also an FFD). Being that I have a small span of time today, I will return to the tale of the last 12...yes 12 weeks now!

So time pressed on and I was still quite the nervous wreck. I will not provide you with any further metaphor as to my irritable bowels but you get the idea. So I have to make this second call and there about six people in the room I'm in. It's much too cold outside to have the conversation there, so I look around. Hmm....Bathroom? nah bad reception and just plain nasty. Some classrom in the main building? Nope too far. So I decide to go into the last quiet place in the dormitory apartment...the closet. The closet is a small space with just enough room in which I can fit a single chair. There is a single orange incandescent bulb up on the wall and the light switch is on the outside conveniently located where anyone can mess with me while I'm on this important phone call.

The entire day I was trying to think of things to say on this call, and I did have a couple of good conversation starters. I did know she had just gone to her best friends wedding on Sunday and made Sheva Brachos for her Mon. night. We still had some mutual friends to talk about and I had something that for some reason never popped into my head but was the first thing everyone that did know about this date kept asking me. "Where does the name *FFW* come from?" Well I figured I would do just fine with all of these things to shmooze about.

So I go into the closet and have the good old reliable finger slip. She picks up and I try to act as calmly as possible.

FFD:"hey whats up...how was the wedding and sheva brachos"
FFW:"really nice......."

she trails off and I am hanging onto every word as if I was being tested on it in an hour. All this intentness actually made it harder to remember everything. there was the name R****, best friend, supersol, cooking, sarah, baking, really nice. Great it was nice! I'm thinking nice is good that probably means she's in a good mood. Ok move on to the name question.

FFD:"So people have been asking me (this was to make it seem like I'm trying to assuage others curiosity and not my own) where does the name FFW comes from?
FFW: laughs out loud as if I were the next Jackie Mason
FFD:"What?"
FFW:"nothing...its just that you don't have the most normal name either"
FFD:"AH So you know about that"
FFW:"I have my sources"
FFD:"well what did your sources say"
FFW:"well I heard two separate stories from different sources" She goes on to explain how one of those sources is her good friend who went out with our good friend JT (only later did I realize which of JT's dating stories she was)

She goes on to explain what she heard, and of course like a horrendous game of first grade telephone what she heard was all wrong. so I explained to her how a guy ends up with a crazy name like mine and we shmooze a little longer till we get to the date.

Did you catch that? Yeah that's right what started out as a question about her name only led to me explaining mine. Rewind...I remember what I wanted to know and heck, it had been bugging me like one of those gnats that fly into ur ear for the past week, so I pressed again and got what I was looking for. Finally relief! Yes all of you know im a curious one and when there is something to be known I'm the first to try to know it. When there's something im not supposed to know I like to be the first to know that too! I think the movie Curious George had just come out and somehow she started calling me that.

For the past week I had been asking of my few close, ideas about where to go on a first date. I heard Everything, from lounges and coffee, to dinner, to entertainment places. A couple of people had mentioned a place called Jillians. It seemed okay to me (what the heck did I know, id'e never even thought about going out until one week earlier and all of this responsibility was placed on my shoulders. Hey she's the one that has gone out before she knows what works and what doesn't why shouldn't she come up with the date plan!)
So I tell her about my idea to go to jillians and again she laughs at me. Either someone is tickling her or I'm the next Bill Cosby and didn't even know it.

FFD:"whats so funny?"
FFW:"No Nothing"
FFD:"c'mon"
FFW:"Nothing really just...well seems like a lot of guys go there on a first date...I mean ive been there before on first dates...Its fine really, Don't Be Nervous!

Little did I know at the time that my FFW was known to the world as the dating Guinea pig. If a guy was gonna start dating somehow FFW was the first person he was set up with. She had been on numerous first dates and in her eyes this one would be exactly the same. She would be playing the part of the lady while taking the gentleman's (at least I hope I was a gentleman) hand (figuratively of course). This to her was a teaching exercise (ooh and yes there was much for me to learn but we will get there soon).

Fine so come out of the closet (literally of course) and log onto AIM on my friends computer. relax a little because the trauma of the first set of calls is over. I felt like celebrating. I needn't even go out to feel good, this was a major accomplishment. So I'm on IM and Ezzie (finally his part in this saga begins) is online. I start shmoozing with him and then out of the blue he says "two 45 min. Conversations...Doc that's big news" and I wasn't even aware that he had known FFW. Anyway I don't remember the exact content of our little chat but I did learn that at the very same time that he was chatting with me, he was typing to her as well. He suggested that I IM her.

**realize people I hadn't even met this girl all I had was some unflattering picture that didn't do her remote justice from the wedding of our shadchanim**

I go home thinking and eventually I IM her....LADIES AND GENTS I NOW PRESENT YOU WITH THE ENTIRE TEXT OF OUR FIRST IM

PRE-DATE FIRST IM click here

Hiatus

2006-05-16T16:02:00.000-04:00

I would just like to let you all know that I will be taking just a tiny vacation until the end of finals and until I complete all of this semesters coursework. Im sure this pleases FFW and if any of you out there in the blogosphere wish to ask her condonance in letting me continue to blog, please let her (and me) know in the comments.

An Aside

2006-05-12T12:11:00.000-04:00

Sorry to all who were hoping that today I would continue on the dating story but I need to digress and use the blog as a journal again.

Well This Shabbos is the first shabbos that FFW and I will be spending as Chasson and Kallah and it is also the first shabbos that she will be staying and eating entirely in the G household. This was a little strange (more to others than to myself) at first but it is the easiest (ok maybe not for me since I just finished 1.5 hours of cleaning my room) way to go about spending shabbos with my Kallah and having her be the least uncomfortable.

I cant say I entirely get it. Why the stigma as to having my future Kallah sleep in my house? I mean when we go out aren't we alone? (for example in a dark parking lot on the first date [we will get there I promise]) At least here there are other people in the house. Im just a little confused.

This is actually a little exciting, nerve wracking, and worrisome all in one. You see since I started going out the parents have had a hard time understanding that there is an additional aspect to my life that doesn't involve them, but they don't see it that way. They see it as me leaving them behind...not caring about them or my family...Becoming a Kammelhar! That's not the case at all but I shouldn't have shelter my feelings because it upsets them. "Al Ken Yaazov Ish Es Aviv Ves Imo Vidavak B'Ishto" (why is davak in past tence?) . Such is life... We grow up, We move up, We move out. Where one stage ends another begins.

This is why this Shabbos is so critical. You see since we have started dating I have been to FFW's home for entire two shabbosos and have been to her house countless other times. She on the other hand has been to my house for only three meals, and to either pick me up or just for a very short while. This shabbos my parents will spend the entire shabbos with her and hopefully will see that she wants to be just as much a part of my family as I of hers.

wtvr gtg she's gonna kill me ;-()

Until We Speak Again...next tue

2006-05-11T10:50:00.001-04:00

First off i would like to formally announce that a conclusion has beet met and the wedding will officially take place on Dec. 10th. (Feel free to leave posts of chizzuk b/c boy am i gonna need them).

Ok back to my Tale of Two Pretties (ok so only one but she's marrying me anyway ;-)

When we last left off FFW and i were to go out on Wed. Feb. 22. I had no idea what i was doing and as of yet had no idea of how i was gonna go about doing it. You see i lack any form of motorized vehicle of my own, and being that my Schwinn, 21 speed bike doesn't allow for two to ride comfortably it was time to inform the higher ups and put in a formal request for the gas mobile. I typically come home quite late and this wed. was no different. Mom was already in bed and i sat down beside her and she started shmoozing with me. I think i was able to communicate intelligently but i had only one thing on my mind, Telling her i had a date.

How is she gonna react? will she even believe me? will she prod me for info? will she ask what im doing? will she get involved? all these thoughts and more were circling my brain me like a merry go round.

So i just let it out as simply as possible. "i have a date next wed." and as if she was reading my mind simply stated "so you need the car?". That's it! nothing else? Yeah i need the car but no other interest? We continued shmoozing as JT entered the room and I told him that i had a date. He on the other hand didn't believe me at all. i forget how the rest of that convo. went but i think we were trying to brainstorm about what to do and when Dad entered the room i promptly left. I knew full well that i needn't tell my Dad about the date, a little birdie would tell him soon enough. HE would surely have the barrage of questions i wished to avoid (in a large part because i probably couldn't answer them anyway)

The rest of the week advanced and i began to get sick to my stomach. My nerves were completely shot. Even my MCAT didn't have such a dramatic effect on my stomach (although it gave me such terrible pains in my head and abdomen [remember mcorn?]). I began living on Ammodium and Powerade. I didnt feel sick or bad at all but i knew exactly what was causing these constant sprints to the bathroom (DK i feel for ya)

OOOOOK now that we have passed that (pun slightly intended) lets get back to the story.

At some point between Wed. and shabbos i remember going online and doing as i usually do somehow end up on google. At which point, not thinking there is anything wrong with what i was about to do typed in "FFW". Of course i later learned that searching is a Giant NO NO. or at least telling someone you did is faux pas. going through the results i saw numerous OS posts as well as an essay from her year in Machon Gold.

"how nice i thought" as i read the essay (eventhough i still entirely disagree with her pshat in Vayidom Aharon)[btw hun how come you denied ever writing that essay to me. i think it displayed a time in your life where you could take time out for your own thoughts of torah...absolutely NOTHING wrong with that!]

Then i went to check out the posts on OS. I then realized that i could contact her through the OS email option. Do i look back and think it's entirely stalkerish...Sure. did i think that then..who knows ...maybe my brain got flushed down the toilet.

**top secret** something FFW doesnt even know. I actually wrote something in that OS email thing but never sent it! ok ok i look back i see ok i know calm down all of you

While on the internet i also looked for where she was from, and got an address off one of the online phonebook sites. Hey gimme a break that's not stalkerish i was gonna have to know where to pick her up from anyway! OY i sound like a complete freak but i digress.

When Motza'ei Shabbos arrived i recall someone saying something about me going out (in all likelyhood it was JT) and my father tried to act completely dumb.
"What date?" "FFD has a date?" "when?" all the things you would say if you actually knew but were trying to put up a facade of ignorance (which sometimes is easier for some people)

So i told him and as he always asks when i have to go somewhere "Do you know where you're going" i told him i had looked it up on google maps and i did in fact know where i was going. He gazed at me for a while and then said "ok we will go to check it out tommorow"

What? He's gonna take me on a dry run? (yes hun i wasnt driving the dry run) Are you kidding?

"It's okay" i say, not wanting my dad to get within 5 miles of this girls place. "i know where im going". But my efforts were to no avail and that sunday we were in the car on our way. I remember turning onto the road three blocks away and pleading with my dad not to actually drive by the house.
What if she's outside?...What if she sees me?...What if she recognizes the car on wed.?

And as if my stomach could see the house when we passed, he let out a huge growl

"umm Dad can we get home already i gotta go to the bathroom"

The Second First Call...

2006-05-10T17:09:00.000-04:00

Well my friends the next few hours were not entirely pleasant...to put it mildly; they were replete with a lot more pacing. They also included many conversations with YS and DK. The advice I got was basically that this call is simply supposed to set up the date, nothing more nothing less. And that's all I had to work with; nothing more nothing less. I even enlisted the help of YS's girlfriend and asked her advice.

FFD:"what do I say?" "how do I start it off"

RS:"well just say hi and ask how she's doing"

OK couple of things:
1) She already asked me how I was doing on the initial weird call thingie and that failed miserably
2) what am I supposed to say "hi it's me again how was your day" please, I don't know what the heck her day consists of and I'm supposed to ask how it went? Well I know she was in school so maybe that's something but wait it's ten o'clock time for Ma'ariv.

Maariv came and went and I don't actually think I had my mind on a single word. Rote took over as my brain was taken captive by this phone call. My hands shook, my stomach was in complete shambles, and I was total about to make a fool of myself.

One again I pick up DK's phone and dial the number. And once again the screen goes black and the numbers disappear. This time my finger didn't actually slip I just pushed the button, and as I heard the ring on the other end I knew it was too late to hang up. She picks up! I'm still breathing and I haven't made a fool of myself yet.

FFD:"Hi It's FFD again how are ya"
Yeah I total don't know what she said there was no way I was listening. The sound of my every neuron firing at the same time drowned out whatever she replied.

FFD:"So you take evening classes"
Ok at this point my memory total fails me. It's like when one's brain blocks out traumatic experiences. I have no idea what happened at that point but somehow we begin to talk. THANK G-D!!! My mouth lets some cogent sounds out I AM MAKING CONVERSATION!!

But my friends don't get your hopes up too soon things are about to go terribly wrong.....

FFD:"so you are in Touro's masters program for special ed"

FFW:"yeah"

FFD:"so how do you like it"

FFW:"it's okay"

she then says something about not liking school (hmm....well I'm not a huge fan but I like school I guess is this gonna be a problem?) and goes on to tell me about her schedule..yadda yadda... only has classes on Wed. ...and it's mostly papers. Papers! This is good I have an in. It just so happens that this semester I am completing the required core courses having completed all my sciences early and all these classes have at least 2 required papers.

FFD:"oh yeah me to I have to complete 10 papers this semester and am still working on a massive tome of a work I have due for last semester I procrastinate a little bit"

FFW:"I'm completely the opposite"

Oooook strike one

FFD:"yeah an I hate having all these papers this semester I would soo rather have an exam"

FFW:"Yeah I'm so entirely the opposite"

OUCH strike two. I'm getting a feeling that if I say I like cute little puppies, she'll tell me that she's deathly allergic. I feel like we are just apples and oranges. Thoughts of what in the world were the Shadchanim (mutual friends of ours) thinking.

The conversation goes on about school for a little bit and then drifts to friends. The friends convo also goes on for a while and then I realized something. She wasn't leaving me hanging on the silences. I knew they were inevitable and didn't want to have some list of things to say (like some do) but I saw that when they did occur she picked some of them up. I REALLY liked that she wasn't some stuck up "oh you are the guy, you have to control the convo. type of girl; she was willing to give and take. I repeat I really liked that. Anyway the conversation went on until the time came and once again I turned to my complete ignorance with the dating world for help. There was a couple seconds of silence (trust me they felt really long, like I could feel myself blinking and during the blink I had time to look around and count the bumps on the ceiling.) and I said really frankly

FFD:"yeah so I have no idea what I'm doing so do you want to set a time to go out"

FFW:(beleaguered Laugh) I see she's getting sick of that especially since she told me that I'm not the first guy who she's gone out with who hadn't been out before. She clearly hates having this "Date Trainer" chip on her shoulder

FFW:"when's good for you"

FFD:"well I have classes on Tue and Thur. but I'm free on Mondays and Wednesdays"

FFW:"hmm I have classes on Wed."

FFD:"so how's monday"

FFW:"I'm making Sheva Brachos for my best friend on Mon. but oh I have off next wed for presidents week"
Presidents week who gets off for presidents week? Chris Columbus doesn't get a whole week but these two guys get a whole week?

FFD:"umm ok so I guess ill give you a call next week sometime"

FFW:"sounds good"

FFD:"ok great I'll talk to you then"

DONE! it's over and I'm going out next Wed. NEXT WEDNESDAY!!!! thats an entire week away. A full 168 hours away. More time to have this thing on my head.

oy vey this isnt going to be pleasant. And believe you-me I became very familiar with the throne in the room with the tile floor.

next up.... "the wait"

The Very First Call...

2006-05-09T12:23:00.000-04:00

The next night and day passed quickly and being that this phone call was taking place on a Wednesday (the day I have no college courses) I decided I would call FFW sometime in the afternoon. The afternoon arose and my mind became consumed with this phone call. I began scripting out everything that could be said and tried to work all of the angles. Who is she? will she be nice? Will I come off as a complete imbecile?..

So I breathed deeply and held DKs phone in my hands. My hands were shaking like jackhammers and I felt every beat of my heart in my chest. I knew I was psyching myself out but calm and rhythmic breathing didn't help at all. I input the digits into the phone but my mind refused to let my fingers press the call button. The screen of the phone went dark and the numbers disappeared. I press the number again checking the email to make certain im dialing the correct number eventhough in the back of my head I'm soo hoping I get anyone but this girl.

I put myself in this position and there was no way out. YES I can honestly say that at that moment I wished I was anyone but myself.

I paced and when my mind got tired I paced some more. I truly have no recollection as to how much time past but in reality it must have been about two hours. It felt like an eternity.

Then something crazy happened, my finger slipped! Or maybe the half of my brain that wanted this to be over with already beat out the half that was currently vacationing in Eilat (That one's for you). The heck with it I'm going in. I'm making this phone call. There's no turning back now it's either this call or a pillar of salt and I prefer sweet foods.

One ring....Nothing, I'm now two seconds later and I'm totally reconsidering what the heck I'm doing

Two rings...Oh shoot am I gonna have to leave a message. I cant hang up now she will see the number on the caller ID and think I'm totally insane.

Thee Rings... Mentally preparing for a Voicemail..btw I leave the world's worst voicemails

Four Rings...OK here it comes, at least ill get to hear what she sounds like, My mind is going crazy, I'm clinically insane a this point but then something happens...I hear a voice at the other end say "hello"

OMG calm down work from the script and you'll be okay.

FFD:"umm... Hi FFW?" you idiot of course it's her it's her freiking cell phone who the eck else is gonna be answering HER cell? %^&smack%^& the sound of my palm hitting my forehead

FFW:"um yeah?"

FFD:"Hi my name is FFD I got your number from R&A"

FFW:"Oh hi How are you"......what the? I was about to say something off the script but asking me how I am wasn't there. Quick my mind says abort abort! ur crashing THIS ISN'T IN THE SCRIPT.
OK CALM DOWN! Take it easy and answer honestly... you can do this you are FFD you can do anything (and do).

FFD:"umm... well actually Im kind of nervous"

FFW:"Why what's the matter?"

FFD:"Well I've never called a girl to out before"

FFW:chuckles and laughs at me (thanks a lot hun) "well don't worry there's nothing to be nervous about" ...Yeah like that's gonna help!! she obviously doesn't realize what's goin on up in the thought factory

FFD:"I guess"

FFW:"I'm kinda in the middle of class right now can you give me a call back a little bit later?"
Class! who said anything about class! The pen in my hand is flipping like crazy. If I were to let go it would flip wildly like a Chinese throwing star and stick right into the walls of the kitchen. (The dialing finger slip occured right as I was pacing into the kitchen)

FFD:gotta keep cool :"sure no problem what time is good for you"

FFW:"how's 10"

FFD:"I've got maariv at 10 ill give ya a call at about 10:20?....Is that okay"

FFW:"sure no problem"

At this point I have no idea what hapened but the call was Over and I GOT NUTHIN! not only was the call NOT a success. not only did it take you longer to read the phone call than it actually took, but now I have to go through the entire process ALL OVER AGAIN. this is absolutely crazy says the crazed soon to be shidduch dator to himself.

I am never doing this again.

My Dating Story Continues...

2006-05-08T14:49:00.000-04:00

So Sat. night was over and I really didn't think much about the conversations that transpired (especially being that I was way too busy shoveling all the snow from the storm), but apparently word got out that I was willing to start dating and by that tue. I had an email in my inbox from AZ.

At the time I read the email I was in my (well not exactly mine but...) dorm room at a friends laptop and I believe I was reading the email from my Verizon account instead of gmail because gmail wasn't working in the dorms (enough detail for ya?..... sheesh)

The email read:
RZ spoke to her friend, MF (we had been telling you about her on Saturday night), about how she thought you two might be a good match and MF told her we can give you her phone number. It's completely up to you whether or not you want to call. No pressure. If you want any more info then you can give me or R or a call.

well my friends I can tell you that I had a really strange feeling in the pit of my stomach that was not resolved for another 1.5 weeks (more about that later). But being a decent guy and having bitten the bullet half way, I decided to make the call to AZ first just to ask.....who the heck knows what I thought I was gonna ask; I mean it's not like I had ever done anything of this sort ever before and believe you me was I nervous.

So I call AZ and say hi...cut through the mundane chit-chat and ask absolutely nothing. I mean he didn't know her so what was I expecting. He offered to put his wife on the phone, who did know her (they went to seminary together) but I, not being the social Casanova, and not having spoken to her more than thrice, decided I would just give a call and remembering something about the girls wanting to know when they are gonna get a call told AZ that I would call tom (wed. 15th of Feb.).

A brief history of our time I

2006-05-07T22:42:00.000-04:00

Ok its official I am a chasson; she said YES!

Well now is the perfect time, I think, to review a little bit of my ten week experience in the dating world. It all started back on a wintry February Motzei Shabbos (sat. night) I believe it was the 11th. I went out to stay in with a bunch of my old friends. We just chilled out at our married friends house and watched the Incredibles after picking up some pizza. As the snow began to fall the conversation swayed more than a peripatetic row boat in the Pacific, and eventually landed on my lack of having started dating. My friends wife had a girl in mind for me and wanted to set us up. Well anyone who knows me will tell you I am not the social butterfly (although since meeting my kallah I will admit I am a slightly changed man).

Well my friends little did anyone at that table know that the thought of starting to date was running heavily in my mind and a conscious decision was made that if either of 2 certain friends of mine wanted to set me up I would go out. One of those friends was sitting at the table.

The night went on without much other word about me (B"H) and as the snow accumulated faster than Kirsty Alley finishes a bag of Super Snacks, we decided we should probably call it a night. I got a ride from one of the 2 friends I decided I would allow set me up and as he drove home (extremely carefully being that we could see the road about as well as Chris Farley could see his toes) he asked me "so whats ur deal".
I responded very simply "if you think this girl they want me to go out with is ok I'll give it a try"
He said "well it cant hurt"
So I told him straight out "do what you want I'm in your hands"

And so started my Foray into the world of dating.

Today Is The Day

2006-05-07T09:54:00.000-04:00

Well my friends I know there has not been a post in the recent past, but be strong for tonight shall come a watershed event. Today is a day of all days, a day for the books, a day to remember. Today I propose to the FFW. Due to the fact that I cant seem to keep my mind straight I will keep this post very short. Last night I called up my FFW's home number (something ide never done before) and asked for her father. Being told that it was the only right thing to do I mustered up the courage to ask his permission. Jokingly he asked if I was on one knee (something I still don't plan on doing come the real thing) and nervously I responded I guess you'll have to take my word for it. You see you don't understand im not such a big guy and her dad towers over me like a sasquatch to a baby. Plus I was never sure what he thought of me; his impressions seemed to shift on a regular basis. But hey I'm a decent guy I think we both did very well so no complaints on my part. Tonight I think I will blog the night away reminiscing about our entire relationship; hope you all have time to read some of our history.

To leave you today I will publish a poem I wrote after one of our first dates.

The lights aren't brighter,the tastes any sweeter
Don't know what im feeling, but I like when I meet her
We have little fun but we talk for hours
I think Im beginning to feel cupid's powers
Is it real is it fake, there's no way I can know
So for now at least I'm gonna take it slow
Some people get lucky and I one of them?
Halevai, Gam Zu Letovah, I'm Yirtzeh Hashem

AAMCAS open

2006-05-03T13:54:00.000-04:00

The AAMCAS (American Association of Medical Colleges application Service) is officially up and running for application to the medical school class of 2007. Here begins the huge journey on my way to Medical School. Im getting butterflies in my stomach just logging in to it. I still don't know where I want to go or even if I am competitive enough to get in where I would want. Isn't it strange how the biggest changes and decisions in ones life all occur at about the same time?
A funny thing happened yesterday. Recently I have been sending my resume everywhere, and I have taken the quantity over quality outlook. Sending out my resume to more places but putting less effort into cover letters etc. I walk into my ancient literature class and my professor asks me "did you send out ur resume to the Columbia Pharmaceutical department?" and im like sure could be, and he informs me that his wife was charged with reviewing the applications and the name of my undergrad institution and decided to ask him. Funny thing is this is the professors first semester and he only teaches this one class which also only happens to have 11 students. To bad he said they were looking for someone with more experience.
it seems that im either to over qualified or underqualified. They are either only looking for High school diploma required...or Bachelor's and 3 yrs. experience required. How does one gain the experience if all the available positions for college grads require prior familiarity... The search continues..........

Star Crossed Lovers...

2006-05-02T20:18:00.000-04:00

It is a sad state of affairs when a chosson and kallah have to be the adults that keep the peace between bickering parents, but such is the case with my Motogues and her Capulets. Now what is even less fair is the havoc it wreaks on her. She is supposed to be happy; I am supposed to make her happy, but all I can do is attempt to console her after a thorough deriding by her parents. It's not fair and I don't care about right and wrong because its not about that, its about happiness. Don't get me wrong they all think they are doing what's best for me and her, but open ur eyes. I refuse to get involved but I will not stand idly by as my kallah is falling apart faster than an imploding building. So to all out there who are currently involved in any form of altercation. Don't think right. Don't think wrong. Just think about what matters.

Thank You...

2006-05-02T12:54:00.000-04:00

To every single IDF soldier: You give all of yourself so that there can be some semblence of normalcy in the lives of every Israeli citizen. I salute you, thank you, and will never forget you.
Today is Yom Hazikaron, Israel's Memorial day

My personal curse word...

2006-05-02T12:09:00.000-04:00

Well with marriage in my near future and the very exciting (and scary) prospect of complete independence from the overbearing (yet still entire loving) parental figures, I am biting my nails looking for some form of employment with which to support myself and my doting wife to be. I am in a little bit of an interesting situation. I have completed all the course work and have taken my MCATs (which will HAVE to be blogged about) but have yet to apply to Medical School. I will be applying this summer for fall '07. This means that from the time I graduate undergrad (this month) until I enter med-school (August 07) I will be entirely fiscally independent. This is very very worrisome. My mind nowadays is a blur with a thousand things and it seems that the more I think, the less time I have to think. Between finishing up undergrad, graduation, job search, marriage, tutoring, and med-school, there is definitely what to think about. But as a good friend of mine likes to put it "nothing in life worth having comes easy" and all of the things I currently have are things that are definitely worth having. So if it means giving of myself a little more I guess that's what it takes. There comes a point where we all just have to step back and begin to prioritize, organize, surmise, and we may be surprised that what we ourselves have comprised lays right before our eyes. Wow sorry that was just pointless. My point is that to most of us, "work" is a four letter curse word ending in "K", but now I see that work (and I don't mean a profession) is what gets us to where we want to be. Don't get me wrong I'm lazier than most people out there but I have to stop the "self destructive laziness" if I'm going to ever be successful at anything. I was blessed with a half decent brain, but it will only get me so far. As we approach more and more specific and intense forms of education you no longer stand where you once did. Elementary school....pfft useless, High school....a breeze, College...the rif raf is getting weeded out, Pre-med....competition, Med-School...I'm now with the best and the brightest maybe it's time I realize what this will take.

Time to step back

2006-05-01T00:35:00.000-04:00

Well the one thing im learning is that life is all about decisions...What hall? What Food? What Flowers? What the heck do I care? yeah you heard correctly! I could really not care less about the way my wedding will be. I guarantee you that no matter what by the end of the evening I will be married. So what if I get married in a nice place instead of the nicest! Are the guests coming to say omg what a great hall or its so nice to see you splurged on this and that extra. I sure as heck hope not. If they are coming for a meal they can go to Le Marais if they are coming for the ambiance im sure someone knows of some nice bar somewhere. I want the people who want to be there, not the ones that feel obligated. Its not about showing off although im not even sure anyone agrees with me. When did courtly love get replaced by gaudy overexpenditure. When did commitment get overshadowed by social politics. It's sickening and its about time we opened our eyes to what's going on. I will not be contritious about my statements, I may currently be both physically and emotionally exhausted but I think I have enough clarity of mind to bring to light what is buried within me.

Sorry Hun!

2006-04-30T23:32:00.000-04:00

To the chagrin of my future wife (sorry hun :'-( I would like to hereby welcome the entire world to my blog. I don't think I have anything special to relate to you the reader but would like to welcome you to my world. I am at a tremendous time in my life and B"H I have what and who to be thankful for. I am an orthodox Jewish student and recently found the woman I will spend the rest of my life with, but it doesn't end there. The road to my future has much more in store. I am currently finishing up my undergrad coursework for my degree in biology and am beginning my application to medical school very soon. I have taken my MCATs and am almost sorry I didn't keep a journal of the summer I spent studying, b/c that for sure would have been some very good reading. I have turned to blogging for medicinal purposes. It seems cathartic to share what stresses I will be going through in both my educational and personal life and I really hope it allows me to cope and gain insight into my own psyche...plus it should be really cool to look back at my 4 years of med-school and have a concrete tome of work describing my every experience, mood and emotion....... So without further ado I present to you FrumDoc