An Aside
Sorry to all who were hoping that today I would continue on the dating story but I need to digress and use the blog as a journal again.
Well This Shabbos is the first shabbos that FFW and I will be spending as Chasson and Kallah and it is also the first shabbos that she will be staying and eating entirely in the G household. This was a little strange (more to others than to myself) at first but it is the easiest (ok maybe not for me since I just finished 1.5 hours of cleaning my room) way to go about spending shabbos with my Kallah and having her be the least uncomfortable.
I cant say I entirely get it. Why the stigma as to having my future Kallah sleep in my house? I mean when we go out aren't we alone? (for example in a dark parking lot on the first date [we will get there I promise]) At least here there are other people in the house. Im just a little confused.
This is actually a little exciting, nerve wracking, and worrisome all in one. You see since I started going out the parents have had a hard time understanding that there is an additional aspect to my life that doesn't involve them, but they don't see it that way. They see it as me leaving them behind...not caring about them or my family...Becoming a Kammelhar! That's not the case at all but I shouldn't have shelter my feelings because it upsets them. "Al Ken Yaazov Ish Es Aviv Ves Imo Vidavak B'Ishto" (why is davak in past tence?) . Such is life... We grow up, We move up, We move out. Where one stage ends another begins.
This is why this Shabbos is so critical. You see since we have started dating I have been to FFW's home for entire two shabbosos and have been to her house countless other times. She on the other hand has been to my house for only three meals, and to either pick me up or just for a very short while. This shabbos my parents will spend the entire shabbos with her and hopefully will see that she wants to be just as much a part of my family as I of hers.
wtvr gtg she's gonna kill me ;-()
Well This Shabbos is the first shabbos that FFW and I will be spending as Chasson and Kallah and it is also the first shabbos that she will be staying and eating entirely in the G household. This was a little strange (more to others than to myself) at first but it is the easiest (ok maybe not for me since I just finished 1.5 hours of cleaning my room) way to go about spending shabbos with my Kallah and having her be the least uncomfortable.
I cant say I entirely get it. Why the stigma as to having my future Kallah sleep in my house? I mean when we go out aren't we alone? (for example in a dark parking lot on the first date [we will get there I promise]) At least here there are other people in the house. Im just a little confused.
This is actually a little exciting, nerve wracking, and worrisome all in one. You see since I started going out the parents have had a hard time understanding that there is an additional aspect to my life that doesn't involve them, but they don't see it that way. They see it as me leaving them behind...not caring about them or my family...Becoming a Kammelhar! That's not the case at all but I shouldn't have shelter my feelings because it upsets them. "Al Ken Yaazov Ish Es Aviv Ves Imo Vidavak B'Ishto" (why is davak in past tence?) . Such is life... We grow up, We move up, We move out. Where one stage ends another begins.
This is why this Shabbos is so critical. You see since we have started dating I have been to FFW's home for entire two shabbosos and have been to her house countless other times. She on the other hand has been to my house for only three meals, and to either pick me up or just for a very short while. This shabbos my parents will spend the entire shabbos with her and hopefully will see that she wants to be just as much a part of my family as I of hers.
wtvr gtg she's gonna kill me ;-()
posted by FFD at 12:11 PM
10 Comments:
I'm going to go with "She's going to kill you" for $200, Alex.
Isn't there a gemara about sleeping in the other's house? Of course, that was back when Erusin and Kiddushin were a year apart, and it was talking about during that time, but don't tell Jews that. :)
maybe it just isnt proper?
Ok, rephrase. Maybe people don't do it because they feel its not proper, and it has nothing to do with the gemara.
ok found a rema that says it aint preferable Even Ha'ezer 55:1
ok never trust what others say.
so i check up the rema on my bar ilan cd and it isnt talking exactly our case b/c he says "shelo yadur b'yachad" they shouldn't live together not just one shabbos. And also it's from a kol bo and the reason is so that "shelo Yakotzu Zebaze" that they shall not become sick of one another...it's not a yichud issue!
Now Im torn.........
The comfort of my Kallah vs. A Rema which may very well not apply to this instance. The concept of shelo yakotzu wouldn't apply for one shabbos and since no other arrangements were made for this shabbos at least she will sleep here. A desicion will have to be made about the future though
As long as Proper is defined by halchah and not stupidity my anonymous friend I agree with you.
I could hear people still finding it improper, anon - but what FFD said.
A-At least she gets to come to your house for shabbas-not all of us are zoche. B-All i can say is you are both lucky to have each other. Have great shabbas. Thank you guys i really appreciate it.
i like what you've done with the place. BTW i saw a video of he new Splinter Cell all i can say is AWESOME!!
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