Happy Birthday

First Sight

So I am on my way to FFW's house and drive exactly as I (Dad) had done three days earlier on Sunday. I had heard soo much garbage about first date etiquette and rules that it was coming out of my ears. It just so happens that most of this chfret came from same person but there was one thing that he said that seemed to make a little sense to me. He told me to give a call when I was about two minutes out and so I did. I came to what I knew to be the very last traffic light before I would reach her house and I whipped out the cell like I was getting a call from the President. I looked at my watch and saw that it was only 5:15 and dialed the number.

(note: Ah you are all going to ask but how could I call her if I didn't have a cell phone? Well if you did ask give yourself a hearty pat on the back. I had my mom's cell. At this point my mom still had a really old Nokia with the original snake on it. It was so old it had the VoiceStream logo on it)

She picks up and being that I was early (wasn't supposed to show up until 5:30) I let her know where I am and ask if she needs some more time. I could tell by the way she answers me that she is thinking a of couple things.

1) What the heck is this guy doing calling right before he shows up
2) Why even ask if she is ready what does this guy think he's gonna do sit out in the car for the next 13 minutes?(i think i offered to)

She tells me that she's fine and ready and then it hits me. I just painted a target on my car. If she wasn't looking out the window before she will be now, and every single thing I do from this point until I knock on that door is on display like Manet at the Louvre. I make the last turn and I'm Rolling down the block at a careful speed well aware that I'm being watched like the season finale of 24. I see the house (it's now on my right) but there is no parking in front so I keep rolling down the block hopefully making her think that the black Nissan sentra that she just saw pass isn't me. I reach the corner and pop a u-turn and find parking across the street from her house. There were wind gusts as high as 27 mph the previous day (I checked up the historical weather data...yes McOrn I have no life) and there were some branches down by where I parked the car. I had just made the first mistake of the night! parking on the opposite side of the street put the passenger side door on the far side from the house by a bunch of moist grass and a wad of downed branches.

Knowing that I was being watched I slowly turned off the engine and just sat for a second. I'm not sure if I sat there for my sanity, since I was in fact trembling like a nine year old watching chucky, or to give off a certain impression since I knew I was being scrutinized. My mind began racing faster and faster.

What if she doesn't answer the door?
What if she invites me in?
How could I not have scripted out something for all possible situations?

I take a deep breath and get out of the car. Im so sure she sees me that I feel like waving vaguely to the windows of the house but refrain because...well because I was never really gonna do it anyway. I walk up to the house and ring the bell. "who is it" says the voice ive heard before; "It's me...FFD". Next thing I know she bolts out of the house like it was on fire and I'm chasing her to my car. I didn't even get a good look at her. I knew it she heads right to my car and I didn't even have to show her which one; she must have been watching from the window. I walk over to the passenger side and open her door unlock it and apologize about parking by all the branches. "sure" she says as she laughed sarcastically and gets into the car. I roll around to the other side and place the key in the door and have some difficulty in getting it open. I wasn't using my dad's original set of keys and this copy wasn't as smooth in opening the door. It feels like a minute but it was probably only like ten seconds, but at that moment I was reminded of why my dad liked my mom on their first date.

My dad arrived to pick up my mom and it had been raining that day. By accident where he parked the were some puddles and she happened to step into one on her way into the car. She didn't care at all. She wasn't upset and just took it in stride... Score one for mom. Then as he was going around to the other side of the car she reached over to open his door. He was taken aback! It's the little things that get him going and the devil is in the details.

I had no such luck. This story is running through my head and she's just sitting there staring at the windshield like there was a movie being projected onto it. Finally get it open and climb in. I feel like I'm taking my road test and I'm even more nervous than I was then. I know I shouldn't say this but as I started the car I couldn't help but smell whatever perfume she was wearing. It had a vanilla smell without being to sweet. I make sure she's got on her seatbelt (I'de heard that some frum girls don't because of the way it wraps around) start the car, turn on the signal, look over my left shoulder , and we are on our way...

Just Realized

At 5:15pm tonight I will have known FFW for exactly 90 days and I will have exaclty 200 days left until the big day! Just thought it was interesting.....sheesh no need to roll your eyes at me.

In 55 more days the wait will equal the known at 145 days.

The countdown has been edited so that one needn't refresh the page to watch it run.

What I'm looking for

See below for the continuing dating saga

Props to McOrn for finding a post on a blog that totally encapsulates where i want to be in a few years. It makes you realize that all of the little things are just that and the big things are what last more than a day or so. I Love you all and hope all is well with each and every one of you. Have an awesome day whenever you read this


From the blog of an anesthesia resident
Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Priorities

The good thing about having a husband and a kid (aside from the tax implications) are that it's like having a big neon sign in your life that flashes and indicates THIS IS WHAT'S IMPORTANT, THIS IS WHAT MATTERS. I just got home close to 10pm from being on "short" call, after a long day at the hospital which was, like any other day, fraught with its own set of frustrations and annoyances. And my whole way home, I was just thinking, man, if only I'd said this, if only I'd done this, if only this had played out differently and it was making me absolutely crazy because last I checked, I didn't have a time machine. (Nor the one point twenty one gigawatts to power it.)

And then I came home and walked into the bedroom, where Cal and Joe were sleeping. They were both lying on their backs, snoring lightly in tandem, and Cal had his little hand resting on Joe's chest, as though to make sure that Joe wasn't going to go anywhere. And then all of a sudden all of the annoying stuff didn't matter so much anymore.

This is what's important. This is what matters.

No turning back...

While on the phone we had arranged that I would pick her up at around 5:30 and she had made all of the jokes that would be expected of a guy who rides his bike to school.

FFW:"so ur gonna have a little extra peddling to do huh"
Yeah So not funny.

Anyway she did offer to drive, but being the chauvenist gentleman that I am, I decided that only men should drive on the first date.

I was free on Wed. from 3 o'clock and went home at about 3:15, yes I did peddle a little faster than normal. I needed a haircut and so I did as I do and got some newspaper put it in the sink and took out the Oster hair clippers. I had my dad finish around the edges so I shouldn't look entirely unkempt. I was gonna try my hardest not to have her reject me based on my looks everything on this date was gonna have to at least feel right.

• Hair -- CHECK

Well next I took a shower. This served a dual function, one: I wasn't about to smell bad on a first date, two: My heart was pounding harder than some LA cops on Rodney King, I needed something to help me relax.

**WARNING** the next three lines discuss my personal hygene be aware

Ok so here's the thing, I have very sensitive skin under my arms. I mean I have used even the "sensitive" anti-perspirants and still find that they cause me to itch worse than a porcupine with eczema. Iv'e done it all. Scentless, plain deoderant, stick, spray, gel, for sensitive skin, many different active ingrediants, and all make me itch. But there is some respite to that agony that is my armpit...Cologne. Believe it or not shpritzing some cologne on my sensitive pits actually doesn't bother me! Doesn't matter how abrasive the isopropyl alcohol it just doesn't bother me.

So after the shower I shpritzed myself with a little Sander cologne for men. (thanks to JT for finding an amazing deal on this stuff a couple months before). I will admit I did douse myself a little bit more than usual but hey

• Smell -- CHECK

The previous night JT came home with a new shirt that he thought would look good on me. It had a litte pink in it but it wasn't like some flashy H&M shirt that I couldn't pull off ;-) it worked perfectly although it wouldn't be seen to much under the sweater I wore. Every year i like to get a new sweater or fleece. It started a long time ago with a green burbor fleece. then a black fleece then a grey fleece then a grey Express sweater and finally I (by I, I mean JT of course) had just gotten a new Black Express sweater...it was gonna work well. Pants were simply a pair of charcoal pleated dockers that completed the ensamble (yes FFD wasn't dressed like a total schlub) . I went downstairs and Mom and Dad were sitting in the kitchen they gave me the once over and I remember Dad saying i smelled nice (ok so i shpritzed it till the air around me was saturated with enough cologne to kill a canary). there was only one thing left a coat. My weekday coat would not do. It's a green coat with a down lining that look like it came from surplus from the army of some third world country. So what does one do when he needs something nice in the household of the FFD...He checks the closet to see what JT has got. Truth is JT had 2 amazing new shabbos coat but I wasn't about to take one of those, so i took another one. A simple black, wool coat with those large black anchor buttons on it. It was a little big on me but I took it anyway.

• Clothes -- CHECK

I went upstairs one more time and I think I may have seen FFW online but don't think i said anything to her. put up an away message and was ready to roll. As im out the door I hear my dad yell out what is his and probably will be my life's perpetual mantra

"BE A MENSCH!"

Note to all men

DO NOT GO TO STORES TO START A BRIDAL REGISTERY WITH YOUR FUTURE WIVES!!! (more on this to come im sure)

The Second Second Call

Hello All! And welcome back. I apologize again for the span of time in which I did not post but as you could all well imagine things aren't as calm as they may seem. B"H all is well with me and mine and a hearty Mazel Tov to my chavrusah YY on his engagement (also an FFD). Being that I have a small span of time today, I will return to the tale of the last 12...yes 12 weeks now!

So time pressed on and I was still quite the nervous wreck. I will not provide you with any further metaphor as to my irritable bowels but you get the idea. So I have to make this second call and there about six people in the room I'm in. It's much too cold outside to have the conversation there, so I look around. Hmm....Bathroom? nah bad reception and just plain nasty. Some classrom in the main building? Nope too far. So I decide to go into the last quiet place in the dormitory apartment...the closet. The closet is a small space with just enough room in which I can fit a single chair. There is a single orange incandescent bulb up on the wall and the light switch is on the outside conveniently located where anyone can mess with me while I'm on this important phone call.

The entire day I was trying to think of things to say on this call, and I did have a couple of good conversation starters. I did know she had just gone to her best friends wedding on Sunday and made Sheva Brachos for her Mon. night. We still had some mutual friends to talk about and I had something that for some reason never popped into my head but was the first thing everyone that did know about this date kept asking me. "Where does the name *FFW* come from?" Well I figured I would do just fine with all of these things to shmooze about.

So I go into the closet and have the good old reliable finger slip. She picks up and I try to act as calmly as possible.

FFD:"hey whats up...how was the wedding and sheva brachos"
FFW:"really nice......."

she trails off and I am hanging onto every word as if I was being tested on it in an hour. All this intentness actually made it harder to remember everything. there was the name R****, best friend, supersol, cooking, sarah, baking, really nice. Great it was nice! I'm thinking nice is good that probably means she's in a good mood. Ok move on to the name question.

FFD:"So people have been asking me (this was to make it seem like I'm trying to assuage others curiosity and not my own) where does the name FFW comes from?
FFW: laughs out loud as if I were the next Jackie Mason
FFD:"What?"
FFW:"nothing...its just that you don't have the most normal name either"
FFD:"AH So you know about that"
FFW:"I have my sources"
FFD:"well what did your sources say"
FFW:"well I heard two separate stories from different sources" She goes on to explain how one of those sources is her good friend who went out with our good friend JT (only later did I realize which of JT's dating stories she was)

She goes on to explain what she heard, and of course like a horrendous game of first grade telephone what she heard was all wrong. so I explained to her how a guy ends up with a crazy name like mine and we shmooze a little longer till we get to the date.

Did you catch that? Yeah that's right what started out as a question about her name only led to me explaining mine. Rewind...I remember what I wanted to know and heck, it had been bugging me like one of those gnats that fly into ur ear for the past week, so I pressed again and got what I was looking for. Finally relief! Yes all of you know im a curious one and when there is something to be known I'm the first to try to know it. When there's something im not supposed to know I like to be the first to know that too! I think the movie Curious George had just come out and somehow she started calling me that.

For the past week I had been asking of my few close, ideas about where to go on a first date. I heard Everything, from lounges and coffee, to dinner, to entertainment places. A couple of people had mentioned a place called Jillians. It seemed okay to me (what the heck did I know, id'e never even thought about going out until one week earlier and all of this responsibility was placed on my shoulders. Hey she's the one that has gone out before she knows what works and what doesn't why shouldn't she come up with the date plan!)
So I tell her about my idea to go to jillians and again she laughs at me. Either someone is tickling her or I'm the next Bill Cosby and didn't even know it.

FFD:"whats so funny?"
FFW:"No Nothing"
FFD:"c'mon"
FFW:"Nothing really just...well seems like a lot of guys go there on a first date...I mean ive been there before on first dates...Its fine really, Don't Be Nervous!

Little did I know at the time that my FFW was known to the world as the dating Guinea pig. If a guy was gonna start dating somehow FFW was the first person he was set up with. She had been on numerous first dates and in her eyes this one would be exactly the same. She would be playing the part of the lady while taking the gentleman's (at least I hope I was a gentleman) hand (figuratively of course). This to her was a teaching exercise (ooh and yes there was much for me to learn but we will get there soon).

Fine so come out of the closet (literally of course) and log onto AIM on my friends computer. relax a little because the trauma of the first set of calls is over. I felt like celebrating. I needn't even go out to feel good, this was a major accomplishment. So I'm on IM and Ezzie (finally his part in this saga begins) is online. I start shmoozing with him and then out of the blue he says "two 45 min. Conversations...Doc that's big news" and I wasn't even aware that he had known FFW. Anyway I don't remember the exact content of our little chat but I did learn that at the very same time that he was chatting with me, he was typing to her as well. He suggested that I IM her.

**realize people I hadn't even met this girl all I had was some unflattering picture that didn't do her remote justice from the wedding of our shadchanim**

I go home thinking and eventually I IM her....LADIES AND GENTS I NOW PRESENT YOU WITH THE ENTIRE TEXT OF OUR FIRST IM

PRE-DATE FIRST IM click here

Hiatus

I would just like to let you all know that I will be taking just a tiny vacation until the end of finals and until I complete all of this semesters coursework. Im sure this pleases FFW and if any of you out there in the blogosphere wish to ask her condonance in letting me continue to blog, please let her (and me) know in the comments.

An Aside

Sorry to all who were hoping that today I would continue on the dating story but I need to digress and use the blog as a journal again.

Well This Shabbos is the first shabbos that FFW and I will be spending as Chasson and Kallah and it is also the first shabbos that she will be staying and eating entirely in the G household. This was a little strange (more to others than to myself) at first but it is the easiest (ok maybe not for me since I just finished 1.5 hours of cleaning my room) way to go about spending shabbos with my Kallah and having her be the least uncomfortable.

I cant say I entirely get it. Why the stigma as to having my future Kallah sleep in my house? I mean when we go out aren't we alone? (for example in a dark parking lot on the first date [we will get there I promise]) At least here there are other people in the house. Im just a little confused.


This is actually a little exciting, nerve wracking, and worrisome all in one. You see since I started going out the parents have had a hard time understanding that there is an additional aspect to my life that doesn't involve them, but they don't see it that way. They see it as me leaving them behind...not caring about them or my family...Becoming a Kammelhar! That's not the case at all but I shouldn't have shelter my feelings because it upsets them. "Al Ken Yaazov Ish Es Aviv Ves Imo Vidavak B'Ishto" (why is davak in past tence?) . Such is life... We grow up, We move up, We move out. Where one stage ends another begins.

This is why this Shabbos is so critical. You see since we have started dating I have been to FFW's home for entire two shabbosos and have been to her house countless other times. She on the other hand has been to my house for only three meals, and to either pick me up or just for a very short while. This shabbos my parents will spend the entire shabbos with her and hopefully will see that she wants to be just as much a part of my family as I of hers.

wtvr gtg she's gonna kill me ;-()

Until We Speak Again...next tue

First off i would like to formally announce that a conclusion has beet met and the wedding will officially take place on Dec. 10th. (Feel free to leave posts of chizzuk b/c boy am i gonna need them).

Ok back to my Tale of Two Pretties (ok so only one but she's marrying me anyway ;-)

When we last left off FFW and i were to go out on Wed. Feb. 22. I had no idea what i was doing and as of yet had no idea of how i was gonna go about doing it. You see i lack any form of motorized vehicle of my own, and being that my Schwinn, 21 speed bike doesn't allow for two to ride comfortably it was time to inform the higher ups and put in a formal request for the gas mobile. I typically come home quite late and this wed. was no different. Mom was already in bed and i sat down beside her and she started shmoozing with me. I think i was able to communicate intelligently but i had only one thing on my mind, Telling her i had a date.

How is she gonna react? will she even believe me? will she prod me for info? will she ask what im doing? will she get involved? all these thoughts and more were circling my brain me like a merry go round.

So i just let it out as simply as possible. "i have a date next wed." and as if she was reading my mind simply stated "so you need the car?". That's it! nothing else? Yeah i need the car but no other interest? We continued shmoozing as JT entered the room and I told him that i had a date. He on the other hand didn't believe me at all. i forget how the rest of that convo. went but i think we were trying to brainstorm about what to do and when Dad entered the room i promptly left. I knew full well that i needn't tell my Dad about the date, a little birdie would tell him soon enough. HE would surely have the barrage of questions i wished to avoid (in a large part because i probably couldn't answer them anyway)

The rest of the week advanced and i began to get sick to my stomach. My nerves were completely shot. Even my MCAT didn't have such a dramatic effect on my stomach (although it gave me such terrible pains in my head and abdomen [remember mcorn?]). I began living on Ammodium and Powerade. I didnt feel sick or bad at all but i knew exactly what was causing these constant sprints to the bathroom (DK i feel for ya)

OOOOOK now that we have passed that (pun slightly intended) lets get back to the story.

At some point between Wed. and shabbos i remember going online and doing as i usually do somehow end up on google. At which point, not thinking there is anything wrong with what i was about to do typed in "FFW". Of course i later learned that searching is a Giant NO NO. or at least telling someone you did is faux pas. going through the results i saw numerous OS posts as well as an essay from her year in Machon Gold.

"how nice i thought" as i read the essay (eventhough i still entirely disagree with her pshat in Vayidom Aharon)[btw hun how come you denied ever writing that essay to me. i think it displayed a time in your life where you could take time out for your own thoughts of torah...absolutely NOTHING wrong with that!]

Then i went to check out the posts on OS. I then realized that i could contact her through the OS email option. Do i look back and think it's entirely stalkerish...Sure. did i think that then..who knows ...maybe my brain got flushed down the toilet.

**top secret** something FFW doesnt even know. I actually wrote something in that OS email thing but never sent it! ok ok i look back i see ok i know calm down all of you

While on the internet i also looked for where she was from, and got an address off one of the online phonebook sites. Hey gimme a break that's not stalkerish i was gonna have to know where to pick her up from anyway! OY i sound like a complete freak but i digress.

When Motza'ei Shabbos arrived i recall someone saying something about me going out (in all likelyhood it was JT) and my father tried to act completely dumb.
"What date?" "FFD has a date?" "when?" all the things you would say if you actually knew but were trying to put up a facade of ignorance (which sometimes is easier for some people)

So i told him and as he always asks when i have to go somewhere "Do you know where you're going" i told him i had looked it up on google maps and i did in fact know where i was going. He gazed at me for a while and then said "ok we will go to check it out tommorow"

What? He's gonna take me on a dry run? (yes hun i wasnt driving the dry run) Are you kidding?

"It's okay" i say, not wanting my dad to get within 5 miles of this girls place. "i know where im going". But my efforts were to no avail and that sunday we were in the car on our way. I remember turning onto the road three blocks away and pleading with my dad not to actually drive by the house.
What if she's outside?...What if she sees me?...What if she recognizes the car on wed.?

And as if my stomach could see the house when we passed, he let out a huge growl

"umm Dad can we get home already i gotta go to the bathroom"

The Second First Call...

Well my friends the next few hours were not entirely pleasant...to put it mildly; they were replete with a lot more pacing. They also included many conversations with YS and DK. The advice I got was basically that this call is simply supposed to set up the date, nothing more nothing less. And that's all I had to work with; nothing more nothing less. I even enlisted the help of YS's girlfriend and asked her advice.

FFD:"what do I say?" "how do I start it off"

RS:"well just say hi and ask how she's doing"

OK couple of things:
1) She already asked me how I was doing on the initial weird call thingie and that failed miserably
2) what am I supposed to say "hi it's me again how was your day" please, I don't know what the heck her day consists of and I'm supposed to ask how it went? Well I know she was in school so maybe that's something but wait it's ten o'clock time for Ma'ariv.

Maariv came and went and I don't actually think I had my mind on a single word. Rote took over as my brain was taken captive by this phone call. My hands shook, my stomach was in complete shambles, and I was total about to make a fool of myself.

One again I pick up DK's phone and dial the number. And once again the screen goes black and the numbers disappear. This time my finger didn't actually slip I just pushed the button, and as I heard the ring on the other end I knew it was too late to hang up. She picks up! I'm still breathing and I haven't made a fool of myself yet.

FFD:"Hi It's FFD again how are ya"
Yeah I total don't know what she said there was no way I was listening. The sound of my every neuron firing at the same time drowned out whatever she replied.

FFD:"So you take evening classes"
Ok at this point my memory total fails me. It's like when one's brain blocks out traumatic experiences. I have no idea what happened at that point but somehow we begin to talk. THANK G-D!!! My mouth lets some cogent sounds out I AM MAKING CONVERSATION!!

But my friends don't get your hopes up too soon things are about to go terribly wrong.....

FFD:"so you are in Touro's masters program for special ed"

FFW:"yeah"

FFD:"so how do you like it"

FFW:"it's okay"

she then says something about not liking school (hmm....well I'm not a huge fan but I like school I guess is this gonna be a problem?) and goes on to tell me about her schedule..yadda yadda... only has classes on Wed. ...and it's mostly papers. Papers! This is good I have an in. It just so happens that this semester I am completing the required core courses having completed all my sciences early and all these classes have at least 2 required papers.

FFD:"oh yeah me to I have to complete 10 papers this semester and am still working on a massive tome of a work I have due for last semester I procrastinate a little bit"

FFW:"I'm completely the opposite"

Oooook strike one

FFD:"yeah an I hate having all these papers this semester I would soo rather have an exam"

FFW:"Yeah I'm so entirely the opposite"

OUCH strike two. I'm getting a feeling that if I say I like cute little puppies, she'll tell me that she's deathly allergic. I feel like we are just apples and oranges. Thoughts of what in the world were the Shadchanim (mutual friends of ours) thinking.

The conversation goes on about school for a little bit and then drifts to friends. The friends convo also goes on for a while and then I realized something. She wasn't leaving me hanging on the silences. I knew they were inevitable and didn't want to have some list of things to say (like some do) but I saw that when they did occur she picked some of them up. I REALLY liked that she wasn't some stuck up "oh you are the guy, you have to control the convo. type of girl; she was willing to give and take. I repeat I really liked that. Anyway the conversation went on until the time came and once again I turned to my complete ignorance with the dating world for help. There was a couple seconds of silence (trust me they felt really long, like I could feel myself blinking and during the blink I had time to look around and count the bumps on the ceiling.) and I said really frankly

FFD:"yeah so I have no idea what I'm doing so do you want to set a time to go out"

FFW:(beleaguered Laugh) I see she's getting sick of that especially since she told me that I'm not the first guy who she's gone out with who hadn't been out before. She clearly hates having this "Date Trainer" chip on her shoulder

FFW:"when's good for you"

FFD:"well I have classes on Tue and Thur. but I'm free on Mondays and Wednesdays"

FFW:"hmm I have classes on Wed."

FFD:"so how's monday"

FFW:"I'm making Sheva Brachos for my best friend on Mon. but oh I have off next wed for presidents week"
Presidents week who gets off for presidents week? Chris Columbus doesn't get a whole week but these two guys get a whole week?

FFD:"umm ok so I guess ill give you a call next week sometime"

FFW:"sounds good"

FFD:"ok great I'll talk to you then"

DONE! it's over and I'm going out next Wed. NEXT WEDNESDAY!!!! thats an entire week away. A full 168 hours away. More time to have this thing on my head.

oy vey this isnt going to be pleasant. And believe you-me I became very familiar with the throne in the room with the tile floor.

next up.... "the wait"

The Very First Call...

The next night and day passed quickly and being that this phone call was taking place on a Wednesday (the day I have no college courses) I decided I would call FFW sometime in the afternoon. The afternoon arose and my mind became consumed with this phone call. I began scripting out everything that could be said and tried to work all of the angles. Who is she? will she be nice? Will I come off as a complete imbecile?..

So I breathed deeply and held DKs phone in my hands. My hands were shaking like jackhammers and I felt every beat of my heart in my chest. I knew I was psyching myself out but calm and rhythmic breathing didn't help at all. I input the digits into the phone but my mind refused to let my fingers press the call button. The screen of the phone went dark and the numbers disappeared. I press the number again checking the email to make certain im dialing the correct number eventhough in the back of my head I'm soo hoping I get anyone but this girl.

I put myself in this position and there was no way out. YES I can honestly say that at that moment I wished I was anyone but myself.

I paced and when my mind got tired I paced some more. I truly have no recollection as to how much time past but in reality it must have been about two hours. It felt like an eternity.

Then something crazy happened, my finger slipped! Or maybe the half of my brain that wanted this to be over with already beat out the half that was currently vacationing in Eilat (That one's for you). The heck with it I'm going in. I'm making this phone call. There's no turning back now it's either this call or a pillar of salt and I prefer sweet foods.

One ring....Nothing, I'm now two seconds later and I'm totally reconsidering what the heck I'm doing

Two rings...Oh shoot am I gonna have to leave a message. I cant hang up now she will see the number on the caller ID and think I'm totally insane.

Thee Rings... Mentally preparing for a Voicemail..btw I leave the world's worst voicemails

Four Rings...OK here it comes, at least ill get to hear what she sounds like, My mind is going crazy, I'm clinically insane a this point but then something happens...I hear a voice at the other end say "hello"

OMG calm down work from the script and you'll be okay.

FFD:"umm... Hi FFW?" you idiot of course it's her it's her freiking cell phone who the eck else is gonna be answering HER cell? %^&smack%^& the sound of my palm hitting my forehead

FFW:"um yeah?"

FFD:"Hi my name is FFD I got your number from R&A"

FFW:"Oh hi How are you"......what the? I was about to say something off the script but asking me how I am wasn't there. Quick my mind says abort abort! ur crashing THIS ISN'T IN THE SCRIPT.
OK CALM DOWN! Take it easy and answer honestly... you can do this you are FFD you can do anything (and do).

FFD:"umm... well actually Im kind of nervous"

FFW:"Why what's the matter?"

FFD:"Well I've never called a girl to out before"

FFW:chuckles and laughs at me (thanks a lot hun) "well don't worry there's nothing to be nervous about" ...Yeah like that's gonna help!! she obviously doesn't realize what's goin on up in the thought factory

FFD:"I guess"

FFW:"I'm kinda in the middle of class right now can you give me a call back a little bit later?"
Class! who said anything about class! The pen in my hand is flipping like crazy. If I were to let go it would flip wildly like a Chinese throwing star and stick right into the walls of the kitchen. (The dialing finger slip occured right as I was pacing into the kitchen)

FFD:gotta keep cool :"sure no problem what time is good for you"

FFW:"how's 10"

FFD:"I've got maariv at 10 ill give ya a call at about 10:20?....Is that okay"

FFW:"sure no problem"

At this point I have no idea what hapened but the call was Over and I GOT NUTHIN! not only was the call NOT a success. not only did it take you longer to read the phone call than it actually took, but now I have to go through the entire process ALL OVER AGAIN. this is absolutely crazy says the crazed soon to be shidduch dator to himself.

I am never doing this again.

My Dating Story Continues...

So Sat. night was over and I really didn't think much about the conversations that transpired (especially being that I was way too busy shoveling all the snow from the storm), but apparently word got out that I was willing to start dating and by that tue. I had an email in my inbox from AZ.

At the time I read the email I was in my (well not exactly mine but...) dorm room at a friends laptop and I believe I was reading the email from my Verizon account instead of gmail because gmail wasn't working in the dorms (enough detail for ya?..... sheesh)

The email read:
RZ spoke to her friend, MF (we had been telling you about her on Saturday night), about how she thought you two might be a good match and MF told her we can give you her phone number. It's completely up to you whether or not you want to call. No pressure. If you want any more info then you can give me or R or a call.

well my friends I can tell you that I had a really strange feeling in the pit of my stomach that was not resolved for another 1.5 weeks (more about that later). But being a decent guy and having bitten the bullet half way, I decided to make the call to AZ first just to ask.....who the heck knows what I thought I was gonna ask; I mean it's not like I had ever done anything of this sort ever before and believe you me was I nervous.

So I call AZ and say hi...cut through the mundane chit-chat and ask absolutely nothing. I mean he didn't know her so what was I expecting. He offered to put his wife on the phone, who did know her (they went to seminary together) but I, not being the social Casanova, and not having spoken to her more than thrice, decided I would just give a call and remembering something about the girls wanting to know when they are gonna get a call told AZ that I would call tom (wed. 15th of Feb.).

A brief history of our time I

Ok its official I am a chasson; she said YES!

Well now is the perfect time, I think, to review a little bit of my ten week experience in the dating world. It all started back on a wintry February Motzei Shabbos (sat. night) I believe it was the 11th. I went out to stay in with a bunch of my old friends. We just chilled out at our married friends house and watched the Incredibles after picking up some pizza. As the snow began to fall the conversation swayed more than a peripatetic row boat in the Pacific, and eventually landed on my lack of having started dating. My friends wife had a girl in mind for me and wanted to set us up. Well anyone who knows me will tell you I am not the social butterfly (although since meeting my kallah I will admit I am a slightly changed man).

Well my friends little did anyone at that table know that the thought of starting to date was running heavily in my mind and a conscious decision was made that if either of 2 certain friends of mine wanted to set me up I would go out. One of those friends was sitting at the table.

The night went on without much other word about me (B"H) and as the snow accumulated faster than Kirsty Alley finishes a bag of Super Snacks, we decided we should probably call it a night. I got a ride from one of the 2 friends I decided I would allow set me up and as he drove home (extremely carefully being that we could see the road about as well as Chris Farley could see his toes) he asked me "so whats ur deal".
I responded very simply "if you think this girl they want me to go out with is ok I'll give it a try"
He said "well it cant hurt"
So I told him straight out "do what you want I'm in your hands"

And so started my Foray into the world of dating.

Today Is The Day

Well my friends I know there has not been a post in the recent past, but be strong for tonight shall come a watershed event. Today is a day of all days, a day for the books, a day to remember. Today I propose to the FFW. Due to the fact that I cant seem to keep my mind straight I will keep this post very short. Last night I called up my FFW's home number (something ide never done before) and asked for her father. Being told that it was the only right thing to do I mustered up the courage to ask his permission. Jokingly he asked if I was on one knee (something I still don't plan on doing come the real thing) and nervously I responded I guess you'll have to take my word for it. You see you don't understand im not such a big guy and her dad towers over me like a sasquatch to a baby. Plus I was never sure what he thought of me; his impressions seemed to shift on a regular basis. But hey I'm a decent guy I think we both did very well so no complaints on my part. Tonight I think I will blog the night away reminiscing about our entire relationship; hope you all have time to read some of our history.

To leave you today I will publish a poem I wrote after one of our first dates.

The lights aren't brighter,the tastes any sweeter
Don't know what im feeling, but I like when I meet her
We have little fun but we talk for hours
I think Im beginning to feel cupid's powers
Is it real is it fake, there's no way I can know
So for now at least I'm gonna take it slow
Some people get lucky and I one of them?
Halevai, Gam Zu Letovah, I'm Yirtzeh Hashem

AAMCAS open

The AAMCAS (American Association of Medical Colleges application Service) is officially up and running for application to the medical school class of 2007. Here begins the huge journey on my way to Medical School. Im getting butterflies in my stomach just logging in to it. I still don't know where I want to go or even if I am competitive enough to get in where I would want. Isn't it strange how the biggest changes and decisions in ones life all occur at about the same time?
A funny thing happened yesterday. Recently I have been sending my resume everywhere, and I have taken the quantity over quality outlook. Sending out my resume to more places but putting less effort into cover letters etc. I walk into my ancient literature class and my professor asks me "did you send out ur resume to the Columbia Pharmaceutical department?" and im like sure could be, and he informs me that his wife was charged with reviewing the applications and the name of my undergrad institution and decided to ask him. Funny thing is this is the professors first semester and he only teaches this one class which also only happens to have 11 students. To bad he said they were looking for someone with more experience.
it seems that im either to over qualified or underqualified. They are either only looking for High school diploma required...or Bachelor's and 3 yrs. experience required. How does one gain the experience if all the available positions for college grads require prior familiarity... The search continues..........

Star Crossed Lovers...

It is a sad state of affairs when a chosson and kallah have to be the adults that keep the peace between bickering parents, but such is the case with my Motogues and her Capulets. Now what is even less fair is the havoc it wreaks on her. She is supposed to be happy; I am supposed to make her happy, but all I can do is attempt to console her after a thorough deriding by her parents. It's not fair and I don't care about right and wrong because its not about that, its about happiness. Don't get me wrong they all think they are doing what's best for me and her, but open ur eyes. I refuse to get involved but I will not stand idly by as my kallah is falling apart faster than an imploding building. So to all out there who are currently involved in any form of altercation. Don't think right. Don't think wrong. Just think about what matters.

Thank You...

To every single IDF soldier: You give all of yourself so that there can be some semblence of normalcy in the lives of every Israeli citizen. I salute you, thank you, and will never forget you.
Today is Yom Hazikaron, Israel's Memorial day

My personal curse word...

Well with marriage in my near future and the very exciting (and scary) prospect of complete independence from the overbearing (yet still entire loving) parental figures, I am biting my nails looking for some form of employment with which to support myself and my doting wife to be. I am in a little bit of an interesting situation. I have completed all the course work and have taken my MCATs (which will HAVE to be blogged about) but have yet to apply to Medical School. I will be applying this summer for fall '07. This means that from the time I graduate undergrad (this month) until I enter med-school (August 07) I will be entirely fiscally independent. This is very very worrisome. My mind nowadays is a blur with a thousand things and it seems that the more I think, the less time I have to think. Between finishing up undergrad, graduation, job search, marriage, tutoring, and med-school, there is definitely what to think about. But as a good friend of mine likes to put it "nothing in life worth having comes easy" and all of the things I currently have are things that are definitely worth having. So if it means giving of myself a little more I guess that's what it takes. There comes a point where we all just have to step back and begin to prioritize, organize, surmise, and we may be surprised that what we ourselves have comprised lays right before our eyes. Wow sorry that was just pointless. My point is that to most of us, "work" is a four letter curse word ending in "K", but now I see that work (and I don't mean a profession) is what gets us to where we want to be. Don't get me wrong I'm lazier than most people out there but I have to stop the "self destructive laziness" if I'm going to ever be successful at anything. I was blessed with a half decent brain, but it will only get me so far. As we approach more and more specific and intense forms of education you no longer stand where you once did. Elementary school....pfft useless, High school....a breeze, College...the rif raf is getting weeded out, Pre-med....competition, Med-School...I'm now with the best and the brightest maybe it's time I realize what this will take.

Time to step back

Well the one thing im learning is that life is all about decisions...What hall? What Food? What Flowers? What the heck do I care? yeah you heard correctly! I could really not care less about the way my wedding will be. I guarantee you that no matter what by the end of the evening I will be married. So what if I get married in a nice place instead of the nicest! Are the guests coming to say omg what a great hall or its so nice to see you splurged on this and that extra. I sure as heck hope not. If they are coming for a meal they can go to Le Marais if they are coming for the ambiance im sure someone knows of some nice bar somewhere. I want the people who want to be there, not the ones that feel obligated. Its not about showing off although im not even sure anyone agrees with me. When did courtly love get replaced by gaudy overexpenditure. When did commitment get overshadowed by social politics. It's sickening and its about time we opened our eyes to what's going on. I will not be contritious about my statements, I may currently be both physically and emotionally exhausted but I think I have enough clarity of mind to bring to light what is buried within me.